[Mr.Essex]

I use my nickname during the "feeling out" part of the engagement, then give my real name if things look like they're about to get serious. I'm lucky in that respect, as my nickname is essentially my initials. That way, if things don't work out, my real name and contact information aren't splattered all across town. I'd like to use my real name, but some of us aren't lucky enough to have generic names like "Paul White" or "George Jones" (IOW, the types of names that repeat themselves in phone books), and I'm one of (possibly) 100 black men in a town of 50,000 people. If I had a more generic name, I'd willingly give it out. But, if I were to liaise with someone, and things didn't work out as planned, I'd find myself outed with ease. I've seen too many "outing" horror stories.