[slevin]

I don't have any experience with poly relationships, but the way I read this particular situation is that she is enjoying the attention but isn't really interested in the relationship. If she was truly interested in taking steps in that direction then starting with being sexual is the first step, not starting with acting like shes moving in. You are already friends with her, you all know that you get along; the part that you don't know about is whether you can all handle being sexual together. This has the markings of something that is going to fall apart and you and your husband are going to be left with some hurt feelings. She is definitely sending mixed signals and I bet that she knows it.

What would I do? I would move towards opening the sexual relationship with her, if she isn't ready or isn't interested then I'd tell her that we need to go back to being "just friends" with her until she figures out what she wants to do. While she figures that out, I'd be looking for another woman who interested us both and look to start our journey with that woman instead. I know it's tempting to do it with someone you're already friends with, but that only works when they are as interested in it as you are. If that pisses her off, well then I think that shows that she really isn't ready for a poly relationship with you.