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Originally Posted by westcan  I hope that this is not a stupid topic to bring up. My wife and I are now talking about visiting a on-premises club near our town for the first time. We have no swinging experience. Some of our concerns are that Ms. Westcan does not really like giving oral sex. And although she has a very giving and loving personality generally, in bed she prefers to let the man do all the work and be somewhat agressive while she prefers to be laid back and passive. Would this be dissappointing to other men? Oral sex has never been a big deal to me, but I think that most men would probably expect it. |
Another vote here for no. Not expected, and not a deal at all if it doesn't happen.
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Originally Posted by westcan Another concern from my perspective is that although she is quite turned on at the idea of being "pounded" by one or more men, she feels she might get very jealous of seeing me with someone. |
This is something you need to talk through, which it sounds like you are. You are on the right track of deciding to start by visiting a club. Check things out, socialize, and then just go as far as you are comfortable. If she's feeling jealousy when you are flirting with another woman, then stop. If that's ok but she feels it when you are dancing with someone else, then stop things there. Basically, just go at the pace of the slowest person, and then talk about things and how they made each of you feel. Jealousy is a legitimate concern, especially at first, and anybody who tells you neither one has ever felt the slightest twinge is probably lying to both you and themselves.
Don't pay any attention to meeting anybody else's "standards" other than your own. If her style is more passive (which btw, most understand does not automatically equal not interested in sex), then don't try to suddenly adopt a style that will be obviously not a good fit for her. That is when the red flags would come out - when someone is putting on an act and doing an understandably poor job of it because it is so unnatural for them. If she encounters someone who HAS to have oral, or HAS to have an assertive female partner, then those are their issues, not her's. When the time comes to discuss those sort of things, she should just be up front about what she is interested in, and then if they aren't interested, oh well. Plenty of others out there who will be interested.
Really the best piece of piece of advice is maybe to just put the whole oral issue on the sidelines for now, go the club with the understanding that there are no expectations for that night, and just see how things go. She may decide after that the whole scene isn't for her, or she may like it and be interested in talking about things more to iron out your rules as a couple and maybe try the next step.
You all sound like you are on the right track, just be patient, talk, go slow, and realize that you don't need to meet anyone's standards other than your own and there is no one size fits all approach.