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Originally Posted by exploringRM  I've not seen it discussed, but it made me think of what are we looking for in other peoples profiles that make us think that we may have something in common. Same age? Not far away? Similar place in life (kids, careers, income..not trying to be snobby on the income aspect, but if we like to take a weekend away, or hit a nice restaurant it would be nice it the other couple has the means to do the same thing)? Similar interests? For those that have had success in finding friends with benefits did you find people similar to you or people that you would have never thought you'd be friends based on the profile. |
TNT said it the same way we see it. We've made great friends within the lifestyle and over the years looking back at all of those friends I've had, none of them ever came from an ad. I can't even recall a case where contacting someone through an ad later led to friendship (after the initial desire to fuck wore off).
To make friends you have to have some deeper connection than just an ad, you have to be able to get into their minds and hearts. In some cases you can do this over the internet, but just as in real life it takes time and a lot of communication. After you've had that back and forth online sometimes you get lucky enough that when you meet in person you find that there is an instant connection so that you know you could enjoy these people in any circumstances, anywhere. Then they go on to become friends. In other cases, I might not have had any interraction with them online and just met them in some social setting or another (whether swinging or otherwise) and discovered that we have much more in common and have that "click" that you look for in a friendship.
For me, and I know this isn't the case for everyone, if I'm going to go on to become real friends with someone, I'll have a pretty good idea of that the first time we meet. It's that ability to easily talk to each other about any topic without feeling like I have to hide a part of myself. If I feel like I have to force it, it's not going to happen.
Now all that said, when we look at ads we aren't looking to see "can we be friends with them". We are looking first to see if we'd be interested in even meeting them..... and if we are looking to meet them then it is with some intent/desire of the possibility that once we meet them we might want to have sex with them. So physical attraction, age, openness. Is their profile too negative? or close-minded (do they come off as homophobic or racist in their profile)? Do they even give any info about themselves, or does it just say "we are looking for people to fuck" or something similar. We want to meet people who think enough of themselves to try to present themselves in a way that others would find them attractive or interesting. If you don't think yourself interesting enough to have anything worth sharing, then how can anyone else find you interesting? If all you think you have to share is how you look, same thing.