[JustAskJulie]

The one question that kept jumping out to me in your original post (and it may or may not have anything to do with the answers to your question)... is there any possibility that his feelings towards you may have in any way led to the rockiness of his marriage? Perhaps as he got closer to you, he started pulling away from his wife? While you had the courage to be open and honest with your husband about your feelings, maybe he didn't do the same.

Now, that said... When you choose to involve a third person in your relationship, do you not want them to have the same level of openness and honesty with you AND your husband that you already have with your husband?

On another note, along the lines of what The Fuse mentioned, there is NO way that you can guarantee to your husband that nothing will change if you involve another person in your life to this extent. Things will, in fact, change. It's up to you to decide to what degree things change. There are many changes within our lives that affect the amount of time/energy we give to our partners (having children, job changes, family responsibilities, hobbies, etc) and very often we don't stop to think about how these changes will affect our relationship. In this case, it is obvious that things will change and he's being honest that he's scared of how it may affect your relationship with him.

Whatever conclusion you and your husband come to on this, I would definately suggest that you do not make any steps to persue anything with this guy until after the divorce is final. In fact, I would cut off any communications with him until after that time - mainly due to the thoughts I expressed in the first paragraph here.