[babycole]

Ok, first of all my apologies on not being able to figure out how to directly quote each of you guys on this reply.

Secondly, Thanks for all of your honest opinions! I am always glad to be able to get different points of views on situations. Doing that sorta helps you gain new perspectives on it that maybe you wouldn't have seen otherwise!

Mrs. Fuse:
I can appreciate your opinions coming from a situation where you guys have loved more than just your own spouse! And you may have hit on something in your posting. I haven't gave my husband 100% confidence that nothing would change between us if we brought this other guy into our relationship. I am not dissillusioned to think that it woudln't affect us in someway. I mean, even just logistically, if I'm with someone else without my husband there as well, then I'm not spending time with my husband. We had discussed this previously and were well aware that would occur. I think the key to that, like everything else we've experienced in the lifestyle would be communication, communication, and more communication. If I were doing something that left my husband feeling neglected, I would expect him to let me know so that I could change that. I would expect to be able to go to him the same way if the shoe was on the other foot. I am also not disillusioned to think that all of this could happen without a hitch. I know that it would take talking and work from all parts to establish something that was comfy for all. I know that if I were in my hubby's place, even though I am open to him having that kind of relationship with another woman, I know I would have my own issues and reservations from time to time as well!
And of course, I think this would all be easier to swallow if it was a quad thing rather than a single guy coming into the mix. My husband and this guy were friends, but when I expressed that I felt more for him than normally would be expected, my husband started to pull away. Right now where we are at with things is having my hubby get comfy with him again, while I continue to maintain a completely platonic friendship with him.

Barnsworth: I can see how this would definitely intrigue you since you too had the same "rule" as we did about feelings becoming involved. I have to tell you, that these feelings came as a rather complete surprise to me. I think part of this was due to inexperience on our part (this was the first couple we had fully swapped with), and being naive about how to be "friends" with swinging partners. I have since learned (as we still consider ourselves swingers) not to have so much one on one contact with the guys I am involved with. Apparently, I am a person who connects with people easily and it's easy for others to connect with me as well. So even the couples that we have soft swapped with in the begging, I have some sort of connection with. If they are going through hard times, I am feeling their pain. If they are having great times, I'm celebrating with them. I'm like that with anyone I meet. Anyhow, basically what happened here is that we (this new guy and I) were in complete denial of what was happening between us. We had just thought we had found the perfect swinging partners. It wasn't until months later, after we had stopped sleeping with each other that we realized that it was more than that. So now, I definitely take precautions to ensure that I don't get too close to the people I swing with. Live and learn I guess, right?

Also, I think you may be dead on about insecurity really being just a negative response to the situation! That makes me feel tons better!! I will definitely have him read all of this thread when he gets in, and maybe some of what you guys have posted he will relate to and this will help me understand his feelings on all of this a little better.

As far as how I feel for this other guy. I think things have been better understood by my husband once I described to him exactly how I feel for this guy, instead of just saying "I love him too". The best way I could describe this is I love him like a brother, but in a weird sense, since I of course have slept with him before. And I don't even know that my ideal kind of situation with this guy wouldn't just be a true "friends with benefits" kinda situation instead of a poly one. I really am not looking for another husband. And I do think that since that is how I feel, and I am not asking this guy to make a life-long commitment to me (that's what I have with my hubby, I'm not looking to replace that or gain another), I really feel like I have no place in asking of any kind of sacrifice or commitment to this potentially single guy.

What do yall think?