Hi All!
I'd like to present a situation that maybe you guys would have some advice or words of wisdom on. My husband and I joined the wonderful, crazy world of swinging a little over 2 years ago. While we have had several playmates, one couple really stood out for us. They were more than just sex partners, they were people that we became real friends with. We got together as couples and even several occasions with our kids. They've been to our kids' birthday parties and vice versa. We stopped swinging with them when they started having some relationship problems towards the end of 2007, and haven't been sexual with them since. Now they have been seperated for two months and things aren't looking great for them. So here is where the issue I would like advice on comes into play....
While the wife of this couple and I have stayed friendly aquaintances, the guy of the other couple and I have become really, really great friends. From the start, we just clicked like two old friends who had known each other forever, and the sexual chemistry that we had was incredible. When we all first started chatting (we met them on a swinger's website) it was a daily thing for almost a month before our schedules would allow us to meet in person. Between the phone and the chats on the computer (which mostly happened between him and I) the friendship grew quickly. At the time, I didn't realize that this could possibly ever become more than the two of us just finding the perfect swinging partners. Anyhow, to make a long story short, after quite a while of the two of us being in big time denial that we were feeling anything other than sexual chemistry and great friendship, we realized that we both felt deeper than that for each other. After coming to that realization, the two of us have been very careful to keep our feelings for each other in check and to not cross any lines.
After I realized exactly what I was feeling, I gathered up the courage to tell my husband that I was having feelings for this guy (We had said back when we first started that if feelings ever developed then we would cut things off with the couple so I was soooo worried that I would have to cut contact). While his original reaction was hurt and anger, once he got over those first feelings, we had many, many, many discussions on what it would be like to bring someone else into our relationship. While we knew that it would not happen with this guy because he was married and his wife was no longer even comfortable with him having a sexual attraction to me or any other woman (a result of their rocky marriage, I'm sure, as her and I still stayed aquaintances), we still discussed how this would play out in our relationship between each other. We kinda left it as we would leave ourselves open to this, dealing with things as they would come up and make decisions based on how things played out and felt at the time.
Here's the problem now. Now that he and his wife are seperated, and may be making their way to a divorce, the possibility for him to play some other role in my life besides just a great friend is there. I know that the feelings we have for each other could quickly resurface. And I'm well aware of the fact that he could get back together with his wife and that this could not be a possibility. But part of me is excited about that possibility of being able to have him as a playmate again. However, now that we are faced with the very real possibility that someone else could become part of our life as something more than just a playmate, my husband is having to work through some big fears. He says that he cannot help but worry that this will affect our marriage in a bad way. He also is having some insecurites, like what if she likes him better than she likes me. I think some of this comes from him not having a complete understanding of how I could possibly love more than one person at a time in a romantic love kinda way. I've explained it all to him as best as I can, and I think he is understanding it all a bit more now. He is still open to all of the possibilities in this, but we have just decided to start with baby steps to it all. I was just curious if you guys had any advice for me on how to help him along in this process. Is there a really great way for me to exlain to him how loving more is a very real thing? Is there a way for me to help ease his worries about it all? I really hate him feeling insecure or jealous in anyway. I hate seeing him fret over this. Especially when I know that through this all, my love for him has not changed, lessened, or dissappeared, even though my love for this other man has grown. So any advice any of you may have that you have experienced that has worked for you would be appreciated!!
Much thanks in advance & love to you all for your responses!!!