[IvoryTowers]

Mr. Ivory here. Speaking for myself, I'm really not worried about whether Mrs. Ivory sees me as a "manly man." First off, gender is a very fluid thing. The American sense of what is "manly" differs greatly from the French sense, the Japanese sense, etc. So I'm not even sure what being a "manly" man means.

Second, I don't think being masculine and wanting to play with other men are mutually exclusive. So many heterosexual men are afraid of being thought "gay" if they have any sexual interest in men, even if that interest is purely a curiosity about doing something different sexually (i.e. it's not that you want to be with a man; it's that you want to try something new, something that you can only do with a man). This is rooted in our deep cultural homophobia and misogyny: the worst thing a man can be is a woman, but the closest thing to that is to be gay.

There is nothing inconsistent about identifying as straight and wanting to play with a man. Why do you think so much "transsexual" porn exists? The market for those movies is *straight* men. We all have sexual curiosity about the unknown. It's a big reason a lot of us are involved in swinging in the first place. It's only natural that some of that curiosity might be directed at members of the same sex.

Third, it seems to me that women want to see two men together for the same reasons men want to see two women together. Many straight women like to see men naked and engaged in sex. Seeing two men thus engaged is even hotter. How could it not be? In addition, I think many women like to know that their spouses are *not* tied into the trappings of hyper-masculinity, that they're not homophobes, etc.

I think you should tell your wife that you've played with another man. If nothing else, not telling her violates the central tenet of open relationships: honesty. You do not have open lines of communication with your spouse if you fear her reaction to your sharing this (obviously) very important detail with her. You're straight. Having played with another man once doesn't change that. Having kept this from your spouse, however, is a bit worrisome.