Quote:
Originally Posted by JustAskJulie  I think this expresses a lot of my thoughts when reading your initial post. My thoughts were on communication (yours as a couple with them as a couple). It sounds like perhaps your husband and the other woman may have better verbal communication of their feelings and status than you do with the other man.
Have you discussed with the other man how you feel when he ignores you in favor of his next conquest? Have you discussed ways to get past this or to avoid it? Obviously, you said that you will no longer allow yourselves to be in these vanilla situations with them (where the type of situation with the singles can occur). It may be best if the 4 of you opt to keep your play/enjoyment of each other to a couple on couple basis. I'm not talking about being exclusive but just about not mixing your pleasures in such a way that you are with each other when other potential playmates are around. I would avoid visiting clubs together, for example.
Ideally, it would be best if you can come to the same terms with them that you have with your own spouses. You don't get jealous of your own husband when he is focused on a potential playmate. So try to think of how you go to that point with him. As someone else put it, jealousy is a fear of loss. You've gotten to the point with your husband where you love and trust him enough that you do not fear losing him. However, with this other couple, you are still worried that you are just a stepping stone on their way to the next playmates, and that some other couple might come along and replace you. If they truly feel the same way about you, then you should not have to worry about that. If you doubt how they feel about you, then you need to talk to them. |
Funny that you should mention the club, Julie. I'm beginning to think it was being trapped in
their vanilla environment surrounded by
their friends that was the real aggravating factor in that particular situation. In the club, everyone has the same goal going in, and it's in that environment that I am, perhaps,
most comfortable. If there's something I don't want to see, I don't need to look. I can do other things
. You asked if he and I had discussed how I feel when he ignores me in favor of his next sexual conquest. It wasn't put in quite those terms, but we did discuss that particular situation that night. He didn't hesitate to point out to me that I am that way myself, in the club. And I had to agree. It's true. The issue boiled down more to timing, circumstances, his oblivion, and my ego.
Maybe the key to increasing my comfort level really
does lie in being more verbally open with the
other. And maybe this posting was my way of gathering the courage to do it. That would be bass ackwards, wouldn't it?
Thank you all for your feedback. I'm certainly open to more. What an odd rabbit hole this is! Thanks for popping your heads in and letting me know I'm not the only rabbit.