Hi Everyone,
Thanks for the additional responses!
There has been some changes since I last posted and I thought that it was only right of me to inform you since I myself like updates after reading certain posts!
Our friend invited us to a bar for new years and some of her friends from work were going to be there as well.
I didn't mention in my last posts that she had recently broken up with a guy she was seeing because they had a fight and it got physical (she had actually contacted us at 3am to ask if she could stay over which she did) and she actually filed a report on him. She has also since then, been contacted by her Dr. stating that there were abnormal cells in her pap exam and they suspected she had HPV! She needs to go get further testing to find out exactly if she has it and what kind etc etc...
She likes to text message and I texted her asking if she got tickets yet and what time she was going. She texted me back and at the end she said "Oh and no kissing by the way, I'm kissing a guy". I asked if she had someone in mind and she said no, so I said oh good, then I still have a chance
My husband had mentioned that he thought she may be back or still into the ex which I thought was absurd because of all he had done to her! And my husband is the one who told me to ask if she had someone in mind to see if he was right.
I'm sorry I'm jumping back and forth and I hope you don't mind the length, but more is better right?
So, we are at the bar and I'm having a few drinks, we're dancing, and the time is just ticking away. I ask her where she is 'cause she was the only there we were going to know and she said that she wasn't going to come because of the night she had and didn't want to discuss it really, but said she was on her way. I tell her to hurry or the only thing she's going to kiss is the fog!
She finally shows up and we say hi and hang out for a bit when her friend drags her away. We go back inside and we are hanging out with each other when they announce 2 minutes to midnight. They start counting down and I see her pass us by, looking for someone to kiss? She didn't see us and none of her friends were with her so I motion over to my husband to do something!!! She didn't have anyone around who cared about her and she looked lost. We like her and care for her and my husband touched her shoulder and when she turned around he brought her close to us and it was midnight! He went to kiss her and she turned her cheek which he kissed, then I went to kiss her and got the other cheek. lol She then gave him a big kiss on his cheek and then her friends were walking by and started talking to her.
It was very awkward at that moment and I was very conflicted. We went to sit down and I told my husband my feelings and that I felt dissed. I got a little teary eyed because of the feelings and we decided to leave. On our way out, she was at the bar with a friend and I told her we were leaving. She asked me to do a shot and while I was waiting, her friend got 2 shots for them, they drank them and that's when we just left. I felt horrible, but was not going to make a scene because it was clear her friend wanted ALL her attention and made it very clear.
After that, I told my husband that I couldn't handle feeling the way I did, it hurt really bad and mostly because I didn't know where I stood, so he contacted her the next day to see if he could have coffee with her. He said that she should know what lifestyle we wanted to lead and see where she stood with me/us.
Wow, this is getting long...I have a hard time summarizing!
He meets with her and she thinks I'm mad at her, but her lets her know that is not the case.
I found out that my husband was outside with her one time she was at our house and was telling her about how we found a site about poly which she was really interested in, but he said I came outside and the conversation ended because another topic came up.
Back to their meeting. He told her about the lifestyle we were interested in and continued telling her about polyamory and he said she was very intrigued. He told her that we cared about her and wanted her in our life, but that he wanted her to just take in everything and think about it for a while. She admitted that she was still in love with her ex
She said she couldn't just shut off her emotions. I guess we are all different because I could NEVER stay with someone who was physical and possibly gave an STD.
He told her that he got really nervous and it was the first time he kind of got weak when I motioned for him to kiss her on New Years and she said she should have figured that it was me who told him to do that. She said she was so in shock and she didn't know up from down which is why we got the cheeks, I guess. She told him that she couldn't believe that I was willing to open up "my man" to her because she could never do something like that she is too territorial with her guys.
He asked her about Halloween and she said that she wanted to go all the way with me. Although, the thought of being with a woman makes her terribly afraid (which is the same emotion for me) she wanted to give that to me.
He told her that eventually we will be with another woman and possibly live together with another woman. He wanted to know if she would be ok with being friends with people in the lifestyle to which she said that what we do is our business, but he said that it seemed like she got a little jealous at the thought of me being with another woman.
He told her the reason he was talking to her was because I was deathly afraid to loose her friendship that we had and she said that we would still remain friends. They also talked about the two of them. My husband told me that he feels more like a protector to her because of the people she's had in her life and the things that have happened to her. He isn't the type of guy that looks at a woman thinks about sex. He likes to get to know someone first and then get intimate and told her that he doesn't even know if there will be a connection because they haven't been intimate.
Oh my gosh, this is getting long.
I think I covered everything that is important, but since then, she has contacted me just to say hi and see how I'm doing and she wants to have lunch Sunday. I think she wants to talk to me about everything, but I don't know how I'm going to do. My husband and I were talking last night and I told him that this lifestyle concerns all of us and we should ALL sit down and talk, but I will talk with her first and then we will all sit down and talk.
She told my husband that she has been trying to get me alone to talk about what happened on Halloween, but since I have the children full time, and she's usually working when my husband is off work, it didn't happen. She said she was going to bring it up, but didn't want to have the kids come into that conversation, which was very thoughtful of her.
That's where we are at right now. My husband said he feels a weight lifted off his shoulders and frankly, I do too, so yes, communication is key. I just have to do it now!
I appreciated your time if you've made it this far and if you have anything to contribute, I am absolutely open to your thoughts!
L