Quote:
Originally Posted by IvoryTowers  You are not a dumbass--you can't help how you feel. And you didn't actually say it in your post, so let me. You've fallen in love with this guy (maybe with this couple) and they are not in love with you.
What does this mean? Well, what happens when a single person falls in love with another single person and the feeling isn't reciprocated? The couple breaks up and one person is hurt.
I'm so sorry this has to happen to you, but at least you won't be alone this time, as you have your husband. But if the details of your post are exact (and it's hard to know how other people are feeling) then this couple likes you and likes having sex with you, but that's as far as it goes. If they are willing to drop out of sight for months and pursue other partners rather than spend time with you, they aren't in love. That's not wrong on their part, just as being in love isn't wrong on yours. It's just unfortunate that the feelings are mismatched.
My advice to you is to stop seeing this couple and certainly to stop sleeping with them. The feelings won't go away until you cut off contact and the sooner you do that the faster you can heal.
Tell your husband everything and make him realize you need his undivided attention and support as you get over this. Reassure him that he is still primary in your life, but that you fell for this couple and now you are grieving. Don't suffer in silence! |
I believe you truly misread something. Allow me to clarify some things. There are
no secrets between my husband and I. He knew the full contents of this post before you did. We have been in this together, not me alone. We've discussed the progression of the relationship ad nauseum. Please do not presume otherwise.
If I gave the impression this couple doesn't love us back, then I gave the wrong impression. Certainly, if I believed that, I'd drop the relationship like a hot rock. I'm no masochist. And if I gave the impression they would drop out of site for months willingly, that would also be entirely wrong. Deployment is not typically considered
optional. I also do not seek exclusivity. I thought I'd made that clear.
The post was intended to give the reader, most specifically the poly reader, enough background to be able to provide advice about how to move beyond the insecurity. This is new to us. We weren't seeking this but now that we have it, we'd like to preserve it.
My husband is frustrated with me now because he feels I presented the information in such a way as to indicate regret. I do not regret it. But I am in unfamiliar waters and wish to successfully navigate them. And I do feel more vulnerable than he does. My male counterpart and I are more guarded than my husband and his female counterpart. We tend to rely more on unspoken actions than verbal reassurance.