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Originally Posted by fun4t&c  What's caused me some difficulty is that nothing ever seems to happen. |
I think the key word here is "nothing". The way we approach swinging is that all we want to happen is to have a fun time together. Sometimes that involves sex with others, most times not. It's difficult to find four people that all feel the chemistry and are compatible. If that is your true measure of something over nothing, then be prepared for a lot of nothings, especially when first starting out. If you are in it for the right reasons though, success will come easily since success just means you both had a fun evening, which is almost guaranteed unless you actively do something to screw it up.
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Originally Posted by fun4t&c I guess I was thinking that if I figured out how it would have to come together to work out best, she could just enjoy it with the idea everything is spontaneous, like she so strongly prefers. |
She probably senses you are trying too hard if not flat out clearly recognizes what you are doing - trying to manipulate the situation to increase what you see as the necessary ingredients for your desired outcome. If she is interested in putting herself in the environment - clubs, parties, etc - then just go with it, enjoy yourselves, and take what comes at the speed of the slowest person. Don't try to make a difficult thing even more difficult by forcing the issue.
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Originally Posted by fun4t&c I really thought it would be easier than it's proven to be. I know other people who get wild and have fun like that. Maybe I was hoping for too much. I certainly don't want to screw up. |
The sex part isn't easy, the having fun part is. Everybody is different - some don't have a problem letting their inner hedonist pop right out, while others are more reserved. Everybody is different and everybody is right, it's just a matter of what they feel personally feel comfortable with.
We're not veterans and we're not newbies, but one thing we learned pretty quick was to not have too many expectations. We have ended up playing on nights one or both initially said we weren't in the mood to play and had a great time, and vice-versa. Now, we don't walk in the door with those expectations one way or another, so therefore don't have anything we feel we have to meet, which just makes the whole thing more relaxed and fun.