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Originally Posted by IvoryTowers  I'm glad my tone didn't seem too harsh (just harsh enough?). You seem like a really nice guy who wants his wife to be happy. And there is a possibility that this would make her happy, especially if she had a very religious/repressive childhood.
But I also think that our society sells the idea that everyone is most happy when they are hyper sexual and that, in fact, people who are not hyper sexual must be unhappy or repressed.
Certainly sex is one of the great wonders of the world! But we all experience it in different ways and have different needs. Let me offer an analogy. I'm a vegan--I don't eat any animal products at all. I've run into people who think that I must be secretly craving meat and cheese, and that even if the reasons I gave up these things are good, ethical reasons, I must be unhappy because I can't experience the wonders of these foods.
And while I accept that for other people, meat and cheese are part of what make life worth living, to me they are not interesting or attractive at all. The smell of cheese makes me feel sick, and the thought of eating meat can cause a physical reaction. Yet I love to cook; I'm always trying out new foods, new recipes, new flavor combinations.
Maybe your wife is the equivalent, sexually. What she likes, sexually, she likes. The other stuff--she's not repressed or guilty or holding back out of morals. She just isn't interested.
But, as others have said, the only person who can answer that is your wife. And if the idea of her being sexually wild and the center of attention is your fantasy, I still think you can manage that quite successfully! If she loves you, surely she'd be willing to dress a bit sluttily and go to a club where you can watch the men drool over her as she dances. After a couple of hours, you can go home and give her whatever makes her the happiest. Voila! You are both satisfied! |
Well, she was suppressed due to religeous upbringing. We both were. She feels like she needs to be a good woman for me. I just want her to know that taking pleasure for herself IS good and that I like a woman who can be slutty in addition to the more important wholesome core values. Like so many now days, she's also had an early experience that negatively effects her view of sex, which I'd love to be able to help her with, but I find motivation to help isn't enough.
She's a great chick. She's gotten a wild hair before and startled me, big time. She definitely has it in her to cut loose. I think so much of it has to do with being on vacay, away from everyone we know and having the every day stresses taken away. When it's like that, she's a blast to play with. I just wish I could make her life like that all the time, even without the sex being a factor.
She HAS said she doesn't need to feel like the men are watching her. I imagine she gets enough of that all the time. I would like to enjoy seeing it for myself, along with her, because it would make me feel like she was sharing that aspect of her with me. Maybe that's wrong to want, but it seems attractive to me. I'm proud of her and I like to watch her work it.
I'm away right now, but when I get back home, I'll sit down with her and try to get her to talk about it some more to increase my understanding of what would please her. She usually doesn't seem to even know what she wants. I guess we'll see.
Thanks again, everybody.