The Swingers Board - View Single Post - I kissed a girl and I liked it! Now ???'s

mick2150 · 12-27-2008, 08:21 PM

Bear with me for a moment, I think this is very relevent to this (& other)threads ....

There are so many posts on this & other forums where advice is asked for, & time & again the advice that is freely, genuinely & compassionately given, is "communicate, communicate, communicate .... & if you still don't have a resolve, communicate even more!"

That should be easy - right? But, I know first hand that there are many of us out there, I being a prime example, who never really learned, or were taught the necessary skills to be able to communicate effectively - particularly where intimacy, sexuality, love and emotions are involved. I now know, because I learned a bit late in life, that for me, I had to go through some workshops in order to learn & be taught communication techniques that really work!

I don't think it is as simple as doing a 'regular' course on conflict resolution, many times there isn't a real 'conflict', but in many cases, neither is there an open level of comfortable communcation between people, particularly couples.

When I found myself 'let go' from a relationship of almost 30 yrs, I came to realise that fundamental to the split was our inability to keep up with really good communication skills - we were more 'open' in our communications in our early years together than we were in the final 5-10 yrs. This was, IMO, due to being rank amatuers in the art & skill of intimate, open & honest communications.

I relate to the poly community where the primary skill needed for success is open & honest communication skills. No doubt this is also true in the 'regular' world, but in the L/S - swinger, poly (or, swoly?) - those of us who lack the skills & confidence that are needed to allow one to be vulnerable in our communications, can be at a real disadvantage.

Maybe this doesn't directly address the subject of the post, yet I sense that part of the issue here is 'shyness' & vulnerability, and not being instinctively comfortable in bringing up concerns & possible fears between the 3 individuals involved.

I found that workshops run by the Human Awareness Institute to be very valuable; helped me see what I needed to learn & how to be authentic in my interaction with people - intimate and less intimate.

M.

12-27-2008, 08:21 PM	#8 (permalink)
mick2150 Here to Stay Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 12 Location: Mississauga, Ontario. Status: Single Male	Re: I kissed a girl and I liked it! Now ???'s Bear with me for a moment, I think this is very relevent to this (& other)threads .... There are so many posts on this & other forums where advice is asked for, & time & again the advice that is freely, genuinely & compassionately given, is "communicate, communicate, communicate .... & if you still don't have a resolve, communicate even more!" That should be easy - right? But, I know first hand that there are many of us out there, I being a prime example, who never really learned, or were taught the necessary skills to be able to communicate effectively - particularly where intimacy, sexuality, love and emotions are involved. I now know, because I learned a bit late in life, that for me, I had to go through some workshops in order to learn & be taught communication techniques that really work! I don't think it is as simple as doing a 'regular' course on conflict resolution, many times there isn't a real 'conflict', but in many cases, neither is there an open level of comfortable communcation between people, particularly couples. When I found myself 'let go' from a relationship of almost 30 yrs, I came to realise that fundamental to the split was our inability to keep up with really good communication skills - we were more 'open' in our communications in our early years together than we were in the final 5-10 yrs. This was, IMO, due to being rank amatuers in the art & skill of intimate, open & honest communications. I relate to the poly community where the primary skill needed for success is open & honest communication skills. No doubt this is also true in the 'regular' world, but in the L/S - swinger, poly (or, swoly?) - those of us who lack the skills & confidence that are needed to allow one to be vulnerable in our communications, can be at a real disadvantage. Maybe this doesn't directly address the subject of the post, yet I sense that part of the issue here is 'shyness' & vulnerability, and not being instinctively comfortable in bringing up concerns & possible fears between the 3 individuals involved. I found that workshops run by the Human Awareness Institute to be very valuable; helped me see what I needed to learn & how to be authentic in my interaction with people - intimate and less intimate. M.