[IvoryTowers]

It certainly sounds like what your husband, and very possibly you, are interested in is polyamory, not swinging. Here are a couple of questions to ask yourself:

1. Do you still feel sexually attracted to this woman? How would you feel if she and your husband became involved (that's not required but often a "V" where two people are involved with the same person, will turn into a "triad" where all three are sexually and emotionally intimate)?

2. How far would you want to take this relationship? You can keep separate households and just be friends, keep separate households and sleep together, or move in together and form a blended family. That can have some great advantages--money saved, extra hands to help with the kids, etc.

Try reading Tristan Taormino's Opening Up and listening to the podcast Polyamory Weekly to get an idea of how this lifestyle works.

TALK! Talk to your husband, talk to your friend. Heck, talk to yourself. Be very clear but very undemanding, using "I" language (so "I think I'd like to be intimate with you" rather than "We should sleep together" or "Why haven't you tried to kiss me again?"). Be clear that all you are doing is talking--whatever you all decide is fine and if any option is rejected, it won't be allowed to damage the relationships you already have.

Most of all, go slow, but go. Don't rush into anything but don't just refuse to act out of fear. That will make you unhappier in the end. Good luck.