*NOTE* I am SO sorry, this small time post has turned into a novel! lol (I want everyone to get all the facts though as I need real advice at the end)
Hi Everyone,
I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas!
I don't believe that I have introduced us yet. I am L and my husband is D, we live in California and have been together for almost 8 years.
I am absolutely thrilled to have found this site because we have had many questions about the "lifestyles" and have actually found some answers on here!
It's also good to see that we aren't the only ones out here with those questions!
Here is our situation, if you will...
We started talking about swinging a couple of years ago and never have gone through with it because I wanted and still want to get as much information as I can about the lifestyle.
We have a mutual friend that we have re-connected with and on Halloween all three of us went out. Her and I had a lot to drink and it just so happened that she was dressed as a robber and I was dressed as a cop (purely coincidental). Well, earlier on in the evening when the night was still young, we were all talking and she mentioned that she had kissed a girl. She said that we probably wouldn't understand her "lifestyle".
I've never been with a woman, but when we starting talking about swinging years ago, I've been curious. Because we haven't actively pursued the lifestyle YET, I wasn't even thinking anything about her comments.
Fast forward to later that night. We have had lots of drinks and are outside for some air. She is up against a wall and I don't really know what happened, but I started frisking her up and down and as I come up, we were kissing. My husband stands in front of us so no one can see it, but realizes that it's getting VERY, uhhhh...heated?
My husband, not wanting us to give everyone around a show that we might regret later, tells us it's time to go (She has a son with an ex-friend of ours and he knows many people, so my husband also wanted to make sure that when and if word got back to her ex which he could possibly use against her in regards to their son.) So we go to the car and she, being very aggressive, says "You're coming in the back with me!" pulls me in the back seat and starts kissing me again.
We have 2 small kids and I haven't lost all my weight yet, which is another reason I haven't wanted to pursue anything. I had a dress on with spanx which are really tight! Without going into detail, next thing you know, she is doing things to me and I to her while my husband is driving. He ask where to go and I think I said: "HOME!"
In our conversations, my husband has said that if I wanted to be with another woman, he would support me, but I am not into just me and another woman. I want him involved.
Back to the car. He is driving home and we are going at it in the back seat. All of a sudden (I get sick easily when I'm drunk and in a car) I don't feel so good. I tell him to stop the car and I crawl out on the pavement and get sick. She, still wants to continue doing what we were doing!
We are one block from the house and I manage to crawl back in the car(NO more kissing for me!) We get to the house and she stumbles in and I guess isn't feeling too good either. She goes to bed. My husband has to carry me in, I am not doing good at all and he thinks he might have to take me to the E.R, but luckily I just get to sleep it off.
Since that night, I always wander if we would have gone "all the way" if I hadn't had gotten sick. We have become really great friends and she has hung out with all of our kids and there has been 2 or 3 times that she has been over alone.
My husband has told me that he doesn't think he could be a swinger. He didn't know how to express to me that he rather liked the idea of opening up and having someone else in our lives fully, more than just having sex with someone. I showed him the Polyamory thread and he was elated to see that there was something out there that was what he was talking about. We both like her and we have all gotten close, but I am afraid.
I read that communication is key, but I don't want to ruin our friendship by asking her if she wants more and especially if she wants to try join families . I haven't had a friend, besides my husband, in years. I feel a tension when she's here which might just be me. BUT, there has been little things that make me VERY confused ie: she was supposed to stop by and didn't and my husband texted: "Bad girl. Go to my room" as if it were me because I'm too shy. I was going to let her know it was my husband messing around, but he said wait and see her response. She texted back the next day and at the end of her text, she said: "can I come out of my room now?"
I'm confused and I wanted to get the advice of everyone here...What do I/we do??
If you have read this far, I thank you and again, so sorry for the LONG post