 Re: What brings people to poly?
Except for a short period of one year being “single,” up until two years ago I had always been in monogamous relationships. At least outwardly so. Women had come into my life that I cared about. That level of caring in some cases I can honestly say is love. I was always in the position that I could not openly say what my feelings were because society’s norms said that I was not allowed to love more than one woman at a time. Those were emotional relationships, not sexual relationships.
So, over the years I internally explored trying to identify who I was. Serendipity came calling one day and I learned the word polyamory. Researching and reading I learned that polyamory is what really describes me the best. I love my wife very much, she is my “primary” and always will be. But I can now honestly say that there are other women in my life that I can love and care about whether or not there is any sexual relationship between me and them or not. And as swingers, we can have sex with others without emotional ties. For me, there is no direct connection between love and sex.
The other women in my life? Life’s circumstances prevent anything further coming of our relationship. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love and care about them. But our life paths are different. Will that change in the future? I don’t know. It is possible that my wife and I will always be a couple without a third or fourth in our lives. It is also possible that another individual or couple might find themselves walking beside us on the same path.
Being poly is who I am. Being emotionally honest with myself, my wife, and those that I care about at different levels. To me swinging is a social openness acknowledging what society keeps throwing sand on. People are sexual creatures. Swinging opens that door and says that it is ok to be who you are. To openly say that someone is attractive to you in a sexual way, and being able to honestly express that to your partner as well as the one that you find attractive on a sexual level, not on an emotional level.
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