Facts:
1.
Quote:
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Friend became handsy with all the ladies in our group, but seemed extremely focused on Pink... the night continued this way for several hours...
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2.
Quote:
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i jokingly said "Pink, you should sit in the back of the car and make out with Friend"
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3.
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he popped the recling button and she just laughed and leaned back... he leaned forward and they started making out, her smiling the entire time
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4.
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i said to Pink "go put some stockings on"..
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5.
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stupid me says "well, if you're just going to let him play with them without seeing them, you're being too unfair" so i reached up and unclipped her bra...
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You encouraged this all night. If YOU were uncomfortable at any point during the evening, you had the responsibility to speak up and stop it.
Obviously there was way, way too much alcohol involved in this night. My husband and I enjoy alcohol, but when it's at the point that people are getting sick? Time to pass out. It should've stopped there.
Maybe she did want to go further, maybe she didn't. Only she knows the answer to that, and you two need to talk about this until you are both talked out.
A couple that gets engaged in swinging should be doing it for mutual pleasure and excitement. Sounds like you were encouraging it, because you wanted to see her pleasure, but you weren't really ok with it happening. That's called "Taking one for the team". Good thing you did not invite him into the bedroom that night, you were not ready.
If there are issues, between the couple, or personally, then you are not ready for swinging. You mention self-esteem issues. You need to work those out before you invite someone else into the bedroom. You've watched your wife make out with another man, and you did not feel good after. How are you going to really handle watching her give someone else a blowjob? Someone else inside of her? Her on top of him? Those are questions you both need to ask of each other, and think about honestly, before you decide to take this any further.
Lastly, listen to everyone else when they say "No friends", and "No Vanillas". My husband and I are currently working through that exact issue with MY best friend, and it involves emotional attachment and jealousy from the "Friend", and I'm afraid it's going to end badly, and this man has been a very close friend of mine for 3 years. DON'T DO IT!
Continue to talk this out and communicate, without any alcohol, and take baby steps from here. And I highly recommend looking for couples, not singles at this point. Do it together.