[mrfunfan]

IAPR, she never had to see me have as much fun as her with someone else and I thought that would pass and by now she would realize my feelings have never changed and never will. I even got closer and more in love with her. Everyone who has met me has told her how much I love her and it's obvious how much I'm into her.

I haven't just sat on the sidelines..I get to soft play and afterwards be with my wife. A few years ago we agreed to only soft swap unless I was ok to full swap and it was better for me but it would still occasionally happen where the other guy would go for and get full swap and I didn't. I always waited for a green light from everyone or waited for them to full swap first and it would backfire on me. If I don't get a green light first from my wife and she isn't happy for me I won't get into it. Even to this day, I don't want to do anything if she doesn't really want me to. That goes for golfing or going out for drinks with the guys, etc. I just want her happy for me because I love making her happy and I always encourage her to have girls nights out and play sports or pamper herself and just have fun. Life is too short and I don't want neither of us to miss out. I will do anything for her and have been more into her and the family during this break and trying to figure things out but I don't think she'll ever feel the same way about me. I just brought up how much I miss some of the things in the lifestyle and our friends and she responds by telling me she doesn't want that and I always want more.