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iapr · 12-07-2008, 10:28 AM

There are definately some red flags here and some issues that may need to be worked out before considering making anything happen in real life. I'll address a few things first and then I'll throw my $.02 worth in on the alcohol issue.

1. the fact that she doesn't want to talk about it sober and in the light of day is a HUGE red flag and is deal buster untill you can get past that. If you are going to bring others into your bedroom you HAVE to talk about it and you have to talk about it stone-cold sober and while the hormones aren't raging. and it's not a one time conversation. If you are going to be bringing others into your sexual dynamic you need to be able to discuss it on an ongoing basis because swinging is a very dynamic and fluid thing.

If you can't talk and communicate you can't swing. Period.

2. She believes swinging will destroy your marriage. Does she have valid reason to believe this? It sounds like she is afraid of your "free spirit" and feels that one of you needs to be in control of things and keep the lid on things. this is caused by one of two things. it's either A. she has valid reason to believe you cannot be trusted and will possibly take things to far. or B. she has inappropriate insecurities and jealousys. Both A and B are equally bad and are both deal breakers untill they can be resolved.

3. You have your own jealousy and anger issues in regard to her being with other men. this is a red flag as well and also could be a deal breaker. Now I know you are gearing a lot of this towards her being with another woman but here's the rub - there really aren't a lot of single women that are available for couples to experiment with. The vast vast vast majority of the women in the world come with a man attached and those men are just like you and they also love women and want to be with other women. The chances of you finding a single chick to do all this stuff with is just about nil. Just by shear numbers you will most likely have to negotiate with couples and those couples will have a man involved.

4. The whole issue over the escort just sounds fucked up and dysfunctional and I am a supporter of couples utilizing legalized brothels in Nevada. That incident sounds to be as if it were a power struggle and things were being said and done out of hostility and frustration.

All in all I don't think you two have the stability and level of compassion, understanding and communication that it will take to do this without serious repercussions after the fact. Sure anyone can bring home a nasty drunk chick from the bar but you will be fighting tooth and nail soon afterwards and will be heading for divorce court in months afterward.

12-07-2008, 10:28 AM	#6 (permalink)
iapr Has Left the Building Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 832 Location: State of bliss Status: couple	Re: Just the facts. Need your advice. There are definately some red flags here and some issues that may need to be worked out before considering making anything happen in real life. I'll address a few things first and then I'll throw my $.02 worth in on the alcohol issue. 1. the fact that she doesn't want to talk about it sober and in the light of day is a HUGE red flag and is deal buster untill you can get past that. If you are going to bring others into your bedroom you HAVE to talk about it and you have to talk about it stone-cold sober and while the hormones aren't raging. and it's not a one time conversation. If you are going to be bringing others into your sexual dynamic you need to be able to discuss it on an ongoing basis because swinging is a very dynamic and fluid thing. If you can't talk and communicate you can't swing. Period. 2. She believes swinging will destroy your marriage. Does she have valid reason to believe this? It sounds like she is afraid of your "free spirit" and feels that one of you needs to be in control of things and keep the lid on things. this is caused by one of two things. it's either A. she has valid reason to believe you cannot be trusted and will possibly take things to far. or B. she has inappropriate insecurities and jealousys. Both A and B are equally bad and are both deal breakers untill they can be resolved. 3. You have your own jealousy and anger issues in regard to her being with other men. this is a red flag as well and also could be a deal breaker. Now I know you are gearing a lot of this towards her being with another woman but here's the rub - there really aren't a lot of single women that are available for couples to experiment with. The vast vast vast majority of the women in the world come with a man attached and those men are just like you and they also love women and want to be with other women. The chances of you finding a single chick to do all this stuff with is just about nil. Just by shear numbers you will most likely have to negotiate with couples and those couples will have a man involved. 4. The whole issue over the escort just sounds fucked up and dysfunctional and I am a supporter of couples utilizing legalized brothels in Nevada. That incident sounds to be as if it were a power struggle and things were being said and done out of hostility and frustration. All in all I don't think you two have the stability and level of compassion, understanding and communication that it will take to do this without serious repercussions after the fact. Sure anyone can bring home a nasty drunk chick from the bar but you will be fighting tooth and nail soon afterwards and will be heading for divorce court in months afterward.