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Originally Posted by dgoody1234  IObviously I know that most of this seems to come down to alcohol, but I wonder sometimes if alcohol is not the social lubricant some people need to be honest about who they really are. |
Ok, I don't think that alcohol is needed to be honest about who they really are. Alcohol can be an enabler to doing/saying something you wouldn't normally when sober.
The first boyfriend that I had sex with, it was a very committed relationship. We even talked marriage (but since I was 18, I didn't really want to get married that young and we dated the whole time I was in h.s.)...but I was curious about having sex with other men and just really couldn't fathom him being the end all be all.
First, your wife had a very religious upbringing and she is having to deal with that (ie: potential desire for another man or woman goes against her evangelical upbringing/notion that marriage and all physical aspects thereof are sacred). So, when she watches porn, or fantasizes about being with other men/women...perhaps she feels guilty or dirty (like a 'good wife wouldn't think/want those sorts of things') and perhaps that is why she doesn't want to talk about it.
Secondly, if she (and you) are aware of your propensity to form easy emotional attachments (and your 'free spirited-ness')...all I can say there is, if my bf were that way I wouldn't want him having sex with someone else either. You have to go in with the mindset that it is all physical. For your wife, she sees this being destructive to your marriage and the possibility of raising 5 kids on her own if the marriage does break down.
Talking with each other can possibly alleviate some of these fears/concerns, but you may want to face the fact that your wife may NEVER want to swing. As the previous poster has said, sometimes fantasy is way better than reality.
Good luck.