Hello jonelle514 and Welcome to the board!
I have a few questions for you if you don't mind
How long have you two known this couple and did you meet them through an ad site or at a local social?
From what I read of your post, it seems that this couple has a bit more experience than you and your husband...am I correct in this?
You say you want to be a swinger but you had different expectations...what were these expectations?
How long did you and your husband discuss swinging before deciding to jump in?
The answer to those questions will help me understand a bit more.
Now...STOP SWINGING! You and your husband are obviously NOT on the same page and until you both know EXACTLY what you BOTH expect and want out of swinging you should NOT be swinging.
There is no "norm" in swinging...swinging is what each couple and/or single makes it for themselves. If you are uncomfortable with the way things are going right now STOP. NO means NO is the one universal rule in swinging and it can be said at any point of any encounter and should be respected by all parties involved...including your husband.
It sounds to me that you two jumped in before you really knew what you were doing or what you really wanted. It's time to revisit any discussion you had before and make sure you both understand each other.
Please, bring your husband here and both of you TOGETHER read over as many post as you can, I promise you it will help you both understand swinging and yourselves a bit more.
Teresa