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Originally Posted by jonelle514  I also told him that I felt like the asshole because my mood went south because of it. |
You should NEVER feel or be made to feel like the asshole because you do not feel good about a situation in swinging. All the more reason to stop a particular situation if that is the case.
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Originally Posted by jonelle514 He said it was all the excitement and that he couldn't help himself. |
If he can't help himself in a particular situation, then he can't abide by the rules either. I would stop any swinging (at a minimum) until he's ready to agree to abide by the rules...PERIOD...regardless of how exciting something is.
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Originally Posted by jonelle514 I wouldn't want him to take one for the team for me, but I might do it for him. |
I would not recommend taking one for the team. Bad idea.
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Originally Posted by jonelle514 I just can't for her and I think it is because of the feelings that I think they have for each other. |
Everything you have said before and in this post make it blatantly apparent they have developed feelings for each other. Letting them have sex is just going to make this worse, not better. Put a stop to it. NOW. It ends now. Today.
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Originally Posted by jonelle514 Her husband says he has no problem with what is going on. |
Some husbands don't have a problem with their wives developing significant emotions for their play mates. For my wife and I, the rule is that if emotions beyond friendship develop for any playmates, that playmate is out of the picture. Personally, I don't mind if my wife has sex a thousand times with a particular guy, so long as the only person she loves in a romantic sense is me.
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Originally Posted by jonelle514 I am hoping it is just because of the newness and not deeper feelings. |
Newness can definitely play a strong part. New Relationship Euphoria can have a major impact on someone. "THIS is love! Not what I have!" and etc. It's a very potent emotion. It's also empty. In a few months, it vanishes. What matters is deep, enduring love. Your husband very well could be experiencing NRE and allowing it to color his every action.
The fact that he is lying to cover up his emotions is exceptionally, exceptionally troubling. The lack of being honest with himself is bad enough, but an understandable problem. Lying about it means he's aware of it and he chooses to ignore it, despite your wishes and feelings.
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Originally Posted by jonelle514 I am not a prude, I just want to take things slow. |
Even not wanting to be a swinger doesn't make one a prude
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Originally Posted by jonelle514 I don't know what rules are the norm, but I think I am against kissing. Honestly, I thought that their interactions with each other was the norm and I did start to think that I am not meant to be a swinger. |
Every couple has their own rule set. One virtually universal characteristic of swingers is that whatever the rules are they are followed. That's not happening here. What is happening here with your husband and this woman is, flatly, cheating right in front of you.
Your rule set, wanting to go slow, no kissing, is perfectly fine. There's nothing wrong with it. Even if your rules remain like that it is ok. They probably will evolve if your husband gets his head screwed on straight and starts treating you with respect and the two of you can healthily get into swinging.
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Originally Posted by jonelle514 I am glad to have my feelings actually heard. I finally feel like I have a valid claim. |
You had a valid claim the moment you said "I don't feel good about this". Your spouse should be THE #1 person who supports your feelings. Even if I don't agree with my wife, I support her. She's my team.
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Originally Posted by jonelle514 When we first got on Swing Lifestyle, I thought my biggest problem was going to be finding someone that would like us. |
You're learning grasshopper, you're learning
Finding someone that would like you isn't all that hard. There's ups and downs with the people you meet on Swing Lifestyle, but there's enough ups to easily find people you like and like you.