The Swingers Board - View Single Post - His actions with the female make me uncomfortable...

MrkLin · 11-13-2008, 03:25 PM

As I was reading your first post, Jonell, the red flags popped up like mad. My personal opinion is that you need to sit down with your husband and tell him you want to stop the whole thing - now.

Why do I say that? It's obvious that everything you said you didn't want to happen is exactly what's happening. You need to be firm, but not argumentative. He needs to understand that when the two of you agree on rules, those rules mean something. They're not to be thrown out just because a situation has presented itself. If the two of you set limits, those limits will be respected by BOTH of you. Let him know what you're thinking - that you didn't want to become a full-swap couple, that you aren't attracted to this woman, and you never wanted for him to have sex with her. If he gets upset about it, that's his problem - he seems to be fine with upsetting you about it. I'm not trying to get you two into an argument, but he needs to know that he's crossed the line by breaking the rules he agreed to.

Again, this is just my opinion, and it's probably not one you want to hear, but I think you both have a lot of work to do in your relationship in general. Based on what you've posted here, it appears that all he's done is manipulate you into allowing him to have sex with her. That's not what the lifestyle is about. There has to be complete openness, honesty, and trust in your relationship for even the slightest dabble in the lifestyle to work. Your post tells me that you don't have that, and so your first encounter was a bad one for you.

Again, it's just my opinion, but I think you need to back away from this other couple and focus on the two of you before you even think about dabbling in the lifestyle again. If you don't want anything to do with the lifestyle, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. He needs to understand that your relationship is the most important thing at stake here, and that the way he's going, he's putting it at risk. He really needs to decide whether or not he thinks a little bit of slap and tickle with this woman is worth damaging your relationship.

Again, I'm not trying to get the two of you into an argument. I do think, however, that the two of you need to get some things straight between you.

I wish you luck, no matter what you decide to do.

11-13-2008, 03:25 PM	#11 (permalink)
MrkLin Your Tent or Ours? Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 706 Location: mm Status: Couple	Re: His actions with the female make me uncomfortable... As I was reading your first post, Jonell, the red flags popped up like mad. My personal opinion is that you need to sit down with your husband and tell him you want to stop the whole thing - now. Why do I say that? It's obvious that everything you said you didn't want to happen is exactly what's happening. You need to be firm, but not argumentative. He needs to understand that when the two of you agree on rules, those rules mean something. They're not to be thrown out just because a situation has presented itself. If the two of you set limits, those limits will be respected by BOTH of you. Let him know what you're thinking - that you didn't want to become a full-swap couple, that you aren't attracted to this woman, and you never wanted for him to have sex with her. If he gets upset about it, that's his problem - he seems to be fine with upsetting you about it. I'm not trying to get you two into an argument, but he needs to know that he's crossed the line by breaking the rules he agreed to. Again, this is just my opinion, and it's probably not one you want to hear, but I think you both have a lot of work to do in your relationship in general. Based on what you've posted here, it appears that all he's done is manipulate you into allowing him to have sex with her. That's not what the lifestyle is about. There has to be complete openness, honesty, and trust in your relationship for even the slightest dabble in the lifestyle to work. Your post tells me that you don't have that, and so your first encounter was a bad one for you. Again, it's just my opinion, but I think you need to back away from this other couple and focus on the two of you before you even think about dabbling in the lifestyle again. If you don't want anything to do with the lifestyle, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. He needs to understand that your relationship is the most important thing at stake here, and that the way he's going, he's putting it at risk. He really needs to decide whether or not he thinks a little bit of slap and tickle with this woman is worth damaging your relationship. Again, I'm not trying to get the two of you into an argument. I do think, however, that the two of you need to get some things straight between you. I wish you luck, no matter what you decide to do.