[jjtrindc]

We too see a lot of "red flags" in your note which LikeMinds articulates quite well. If we can assume that your wife is truly interested in the lifestyle we'll reiterate a couple of points made above...

First off, we are an "oral sex" only couple. That's called soft-swapping and is a respected form of participation. Many couples who are VERY active in the lifestyle only soft-swap. If that is where your wife's comfort level is, then don't pressure her beyond that.

There are two basic turnoffs in this lifestyle - those who pressure their partners and those who misrepresent themselves. Most experienced couples have a pretty good vibe for this kind of drama and avoid it like the plague...which could be a reason why you haven't been as active as you like.

As for her shyness, that's common. Try to find an off-premise style event where there is no pressure to have sex on the premises and just go and dance and have fun as a couple. Get a feeling for the sexy crowd, etc. Don't worry about meeting other people. If you only have on-premise clubs, then try that as an alternative, but have a ground rule established that you are only going to dance and enjoy each other. Remember, if done right, the lifestyle should be like a marathon...not a sprint. The more you participate the more comfortable she'll get.

Lastly, in terms of having an accent and large breasts...heck, that's a turn on (at least for me). That's the other great thing about this crowd. We all love different things. You'll find people who like you for what you are, how you look, how you speak, etc.

In the meantime, do some serious thinking on whether your wife really wants to be in the lifestyle and really talk about not only what your desires are, but what makes her nervous.