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Originally Posted by Chicup  For some people poly seems to be an excuse to feel better about having multiple lovers. |
Geez, I hope I'm not setting a precedent here....but I agree with you. The ebb and flow of the different relationships can be hard to follow without a roadmap sometimes! Some people (not just women!) have this ethical thing about being "in love" with everyone they fuck.
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Then there is this example. Husband and wife bring in another woman into the mix, usually younger, normally on a bad rebound. Husband gets two women which is a pretty natural desire, I'm not sure what the woman gets out of it but for a lot this seems to work, but its temporary. Sooner or later the 2nd find someone to make her a 1st and shes history.
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Yep, that happened to us. When she got back on her feet, she was gone. I truly was very happy to see my husband in love - he was like a little kid. In the poly circles, that seems to be called "compersion" - enjoying seeing the one you love in love.
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The concept of primaries and secondaries to me makes this pseudo poly, its poly of opportunity, but its not an equal love or equal partnership.
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I think this is what we learned from our first experience, and wanted to fix in our second. The complex set of rules I put in place the first time were completely unreasonable, and I regret that.
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I think true poly, is as rare as its ever been. Its really quite a beautiful concept on paper, but the reality is most can't succeed with it long term.
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It's a hell of a lot of work. It's been three years now (15 years with my husband), and the three of us are still planning a future together - and having a lot of fun, for the most part.