To do this instead
We had it going for 10 years! Lots of drama over time and lots of singles that, while they said they "got it", really didnt. I think its just the nature of it. People are interested, you say "hey, I'm married, but we keep it open, so I can have some fun but this ultimately is JUST fun" and they just hear "yes, Ill go with you"
Down the road it seems they always get attached. For me, a ONS is not a big deal (although I dont make it a habit), but for the Mrs, thats not satisfying for her.
We decided it was time to just not be embarrassed to identify as "swingers" (yes, I know this is weird) and just have fun together. When we first opened up the relationship we were both pretty clueless and using it to "repair" past history (that didnt work). We've been together since we were teens, so neither of us are going anywhere, but in that much time you inevitably have shit that has to be worked out and often gets buried. We've since really bonded more closely than ever and slayed our demons, but the relationship was already open and working so we left it (even after getting married and having a kid).
To be kind of blunt about it, we just recently were in bed and I brought it up sort of like "so you fuck other people, I fuck other people, it seems to cause more trouble then its worth... Maybe we should just try to be normal." Then we both agreed that there is no way in hell we can ever be remotely "normal", but that this arrangement had worn thin. I kind of jokingly said "maybe we're swingers!" And we had a good laugh because it sounded ridiculous. Then I started checking out this board and said "holy shit these people are like me and the Mrs!" and realized that this IS us. Thats about it.
We did lose a friend closing it, possibly. It was already platonic with him at this stage, but he got weirded out by a bunch of different things that came up.