Okay... gather 'round while I tell you a story 'bout a man named Chris.
We had a playdate scheduled for a Saturday, and we were both pretty hyped up about it. The outline was pretty much:
1) Meet couple at their house.
2) Go out to dinner.
3) Go see movie.
4) Go back to hotel.
5a) Hot swinger sex.
5b) Repeat #5a
6) ????
7) Profit!
Okay, maybe not #6 and #7, but you get the idea.
So I wake early in the morning because one of my dogs wanted to go drink some water. I open the bedroom door and she runs out to the water dish, and I sleepily return back to bed. Amelia was not home because she was still at work. Eventually, the dog returns and wants to go back onto the bed. We have a pair of little steps that they usually scamper up, but she was being lazy and/or clingy, and she wanted me to pick her up.
So, instead of doing the sensible thing, which would be to get out of bed, pick the dog up, put the dog on the bed, and then get back in myself, I just lean over the side, grab her, and with a twist of my back, haul her over the side. As I do this, I feel a slight "poink" in my back. "Oooh, I'm gonna feel that later," I think to myself.
I wake up shortly after that, hop out of bed, and promptly collapse in a heap. My back is KILLING me. I can barely walk. I can't stand up straight. I'm hobbling around like I'm 100 years old. The pain is amazing.
Do I cancel our playdate?
Hell no.
As long as I'm sitting or lying down, I'm fine. So we drive to their house, and I hobble in. Our playmates, being the evil snarky bastards that they are (and we adore 'em for it) think this is amazingly hilarious.
So I'm hopped up on painkillers as we drive to the restaurant for dinner. Our playmates and Amelia snicker as I hobble, Bilbo Baggins-style, into the restaurant. We had fun at dinner, with some good food, a pitcher of sangria, and a cute (and quick-witted) waitress who we briefly considered inviting back to the hotel with us.
After dinner, we all agreed that we didn't want to catch a movie after all. So we head to the hotel, check in, settle into the room, and get down to business.
Of course, I can barely walk, which made things... interesting. If I was sitting or lying on my back, I'm just peachy. Other positions were a little more problematic.
She starts off with a back-rub, and things heat up from there. Considering my handicap, things are moving along quite well, considering the frequent breaks I have to take to reposition (and the resulting laughing 'cause they're evil snarky bastards).
I eventually end up on top and I'm thrusting away. She's positioning herself on the bed and pushing herself up a bit so that she's more on the pillows. As she slides up the bed, I follow her up (obviously... don't really have much a choice).
As we move up.... I find my head banging up against the headboard as I thrust. (thrust)(BANG)(thrust)(BANG)(thrust)(BANG). I try to reposition a bit, and a surge of pain shoots through my back. She's obviously enjoying the moment and not realizing the dilemma I'm in. (thrust)(BANG)(thrust)(BANG)(thrust)(BANG). Well, being the gentleman I am, I'm not going to be the one to ruin the fun, so I end up turning my head to the side so instead of the top of my head banging up against the hard solid wood headboard, my ear is slapping up against it again and again.
We finally all finish, and we're all enjoying the afterglow. Of course, now I have a throbbing back, and growing headache, and a sore neck. It's a shame they don't give out Purple Hearts for swinger-related injuries.
Did that prevent us from Round 2? Or Round 3?
Hell no. 