[bbarnsworth]

For my wife and I, our rule is we don't play unless both want to play. If you were in my shoes, you wouldn't be playing. It's really that simple. We don't "take one for the team" as it were.

We are willing to be less picky than we would in finding an actual significant other (if either of us were looking for that, and we of course are not), but we're not willing to accept a half of one couple who actively turns us off because the other half is really turned the other on. That would ruin the experience for all of us, and that's not why we swing.

I agree with Sweet. Pause in your swinging; work this out to understand what the rules/limits are and move forward again. Your wife might be extremely attracted to the woman in the other couple, but that's not a reason to continue when you are so uncomfortable. There will be other women.