[good times]

I also understand Alura's point, but I don't really see what it has to do with this situation. For me at least, it doesn't matter how much I like a person on a personality or emotional level, if she doesn't turn me on physically, nothing is going to happen sexually, most guys I know are the same.

To the OP's problem, I am pretty sure that most couples that only play with couples go through this at some point. The fact is, it is really hard to find two couples that all four find each other equally attractive. Some folks handle that by one or the other having to take one for the team now and then. And while I think almost all swingers can point to encounters where one of them took one for the team, whether they knew it going into the play session or not, I know very few that would do it repeatedly with the same person. The other approach is the one we eventually settled on. That is, we have decided that for us, quality is better than quantity. So while we don't play as often as some, or even most swingers we know, we choose to only play with couples that we are both attracted to. Does this mean we never take one for the team? No, but we do it much less often now days, and it is usually after the fact that we realize we did it, when the person that initially turned us on just doesn't do it for us when the clothes come off.

So from my perspective, if your wife is being unreasonable, which if she expects you to play with someone that doesn't turn you on, she definitely is, in my opinion. Then you need to talk to her about it and come to a reasonable compromise before going any further. while, as I said before, it is hard to find to couples that all find each other reasonably attractive, it isn't that hard. We are the most picky people we know, when it comes to picking suitable playmates. Yet we don't have any problem finding playmates that meet our desires. We don't find a half dozen new people to play with every weekend, but, on average, we probably find a couple of new couples a month. So, again in my opinion, to fixate on this one couple, even though the woman doesn't do it for you, is unreasonable.

I do understand your wife's frustration though. We seem to go in waves, for a time it seems all the couples we find the woman turns me on but the guys doesn't do it for my wife, then for a time it seems like the opposite. Regardless, we stick to our plan, if we both aren't turned on we pass them by.