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We have been friends with benefits for nine years. It started as swinging (he was a part of a couple and since divorced - my husband has been aware of this relationship all along). I now wonder how naive I have been over the nine years.
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Wow. I'm sorry. Nine years is a long time, and I'm really surprised he honestly feels that he has no responsibility to you to protect your health by disclosure. No, you don't need details, but if he's playing without condoms, then you do need to know that. That, and it can't be fun to know that your "friend" of over nine years is being rather rude and disrespectful with the whole "none of your business" b.s. That's got to sting a little.
I hope you don't beat yourself up too bad over the naivete. At the same time, I hope you make some decisions that serve you and your safety better because clearly, your "friend" doesn't seem to care.