[rpu3]

First, welcome to the Board!

It sounds like you've got a couple different issues going on here, between the apparent disconnect between the two of you about safer sex practices with people outside of your relationship and with the attitude in trying to discuss the matter. I'm in an open marriage, and I can assure you that if my spouse came home and told me that it was none of my business as to his outside relationship(s), we'd be having a big talk and reevaluating the state of our relationship. It's not an open relationship if you can't talk about it or it's none of your business. Just saying...

Unfortunately, with the safer sex practices, you can assume you are on the same page until the cows come home, but there's always a chance that the other party isn't even close, or doesn't feel it's necessary to disclose, or just flat out lies to you about their practices. I agree that for the information and safety of all involved, one should disclose when they are engaging in sex without condoms so that you can make your own choices. That doesn't mean your partner or partners are going to respect that limit or boundary. Lying or lack of disclosure or miscommunication as to disclosure expectations isn't exactly unheard of in or out of the lifestyle. Been there, done that, if you'd like to borrow the t-shirt.

Was the arrangement clear at the beginning, or was this an assumption that he was going to practice safer sex with others? Further, what is the arrangement between the two of you now? Have you tested for STDs? Are you asking to use condoms now to protect yourself to that limited degree?

I just don't know how much of a respectful and open relationship this is when there's such a disconnect between you and him regarding other people and safer sex practices. As such, how much of this are you willing to tolerate? How much of your safety are you willing to give up for him? Are you willing to seek counseling or at least have that necessary "big talk"?

Eh, not especially helpful, I know, and I hope someone else has actual advice. But I know an open relationship, and this doesn't sound really open and it's definitely not a healthy open relationship, and it sounds like that needs to be addressed and the condom issue will fall in line right behind it.