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Originally Posted by mixtupcpl  Are you guys saying that in no case did actually falling in LOVE with another person and committing to them, making time, being a real family, etc, bother the original spouse at all? It seems hard to believe. Seems more likely that the other spouse realized pandoras box was open, had no way to close it, still loved their spouse more than anything, and just made room for spouse #2.
Again... Im not making judgments, just trying to understand b/c this is interesting and possibly cautionary. The poly stuff I read here to me feels like monogamy with 3 or 4 people. |
No, I've never said that Gator falling in love with Kitten didn't bother me initially. I won't say it all again here but you may like to go back and read my posts. The suddenness of it was a huge factor I think.
I DID have a choice. Even if the Pandora's box was open I could have closed it. I chose not to. Yes, it was a tough decision and my love for him was a large part of my decision. However, if at any time, I thought it was going to be an end to he and I, I'd have stopped it. No matter the hurt feelings. If he hadn't been willing to "pull the plug" then our marriage wasn't what I thought anyway. Married couples face the same risk everyday. Monogamous or not. There is always the possibility that your spouse will meet someone else. Unlikely for most couples here I'll admit but, the risk is there.
Kitten brings things out in Gator that I don't. He gets to indulge some of his personality traits with her that he doesn't with me. I truthfully like seeing that.
Now, as to the 3 or 4 together monogamously. Well, its never been in doubt that I am still willing to swing. Solidifying our relationship has been more important. And frankly, while we still have to live 2 hours apart, it is difficult enough just finding time to be together. Some of the four are not interested in swinging at all right now. So, we will deal with this the same as each original couple did. Slowest pace goes. Maybe we'll swing again next week and maybe we won't swing again at all. And I'll only speak for myself on this. I'm more than willing to see both my men have a good time with another woman. And they know this.
Vol