[avid]

Originally Posted by mixtupcpl

Poly though? No offense to anyone (really), but it seems like it is either:

A) an anomaly that occurs in some folks who actually CANNOT separate love from sex

OR

B) the entire thing (swinging, poly, all of it) is a bit of a farce and monogamy IS "human nature". When I read the poly stories here, it seems like a path from committed couple living "vanilla" and "unawakened" to evolving to the point where they are open and embrace swinging and then, what, evolving? or devolving? to the point where they somehow return BACK to being closed, but only now with TWO partners?

While I certainly admire strong, well-thought out opinions, I wonder how much "real life" exposure you have to polyamory.

I don't really see it as an either/or situation. We are a poly triad and we swing. It's all good, and we can most certainly separate love from sex.

I'm not knocking this at all because I believe that what works for people is good for them. I just wonder at the kind of implied subtext that this is really the "norm" but people havent "figured it out yet"

I agree with you, I hate the implication that one group or the other is more evolved than those who sit on the other side of the fence. There is certainly a lot of judgement from both camps, the swingers and the polys.

It also seems like in the examples here it is the women finding a second husband. I wonder if the first husband, deep down inside, ever thought "maybe swinging wasnt such a good idea"?

Well, that might be the case, but I got involved with my partner romantically before we looked at swinging. We found that we needed to take time to establish OUR relationship before we brought others into it. Sound familiar? My husband found it much easier to relate to poly than he did to swinging. I think it's that he's shy, and doesn't realize how sexy he is.

I have to say I almost have second thoughts on the LS after reading these threads! (but curiosity always brings me back to uncomfortable places )

Can you expand on this? I'm not sure what you mean.

Are you guys saying that in no case did actually falling in LOVE with another person and committing to them, making time, being a real family, etc, bother the original spouse at all? It seems hard to believe. Seems more likely that the other spouse realized pandoras box was open, had no way to close it, still loved their spouse more than anything, and just made room for spouse #2

There is no relationship that doesn't take work. What do we always say here? Communicate, communicate, communicate. My husband and I have a tremendously deep, committed, and loving relationship. We ALWAYS discuss issues that arise. My partner, too, is the kind of guy who is SO careful not to tread on anyone's toes. We (generally speaking) took it slow and worked on things until we got to where we are now. Doesn't mean there weren't any bumps in the road.

Again... Im not making judgments, just trying to understand b/c this is interesting and possibly cautionary.

Sure you're making a judgement. We all make them, all the time. Why do you say "cautionary"?

The poly stuff I read here to me feels like monogamy with 3 or 4 people.

Speaking only for us, not at all. I love sharing my men with other women, and I love meeting couples, and getting to know both the man and woman of the couple.

I don't imagine that we'd be terribly open to finding another person to add to our "tribe", because what we're doing is enough work, but I won't say never.