GoNatural,
Great post. Thank you for the food for thought. I have to digest this and think about it some more.
One cool thing about this is that I discussed it with my wife. For her, she needs to feel some kind of emotional attachment to the person she is with and it could POSSIBLY become some sort of "love" if we found a couple we bonded with long term, but her feeling is that no one could possibly replace me for her because of the history we have shared that simply cant be duplicated.
Also, she doesnt *want* someone getting so close that our lives merge, but rather being close enough that the comfort level is there. I guess like a truly bonded vanilla couple, but with some very interesting strings
So maybe then this does become a kind of a choice for those involved that, as long as all agree, is fantastic.
Also, I'm thinking that many people probably operate like my wife. Where they are compartmentalizing and, I guess, building that hierarchy you describe.
As swinging is to vanilla, poly is to swinging, I suspect, in that some folks are simply "wired" to be able to go all the way to that next level and not really have a hierarchy (as some of these stories sound - sounds like peers to me)
And I find it VERY interesting that in those stories, it sort of sounds like they are all exclusive (I could be reading into it though)
Anyway... What a fascinating topic this is! I know its not for my wife and I. For us, a strong trust with a little network of like-minded couples (like a dirty secret we all share) is what would be our ideal space. Of course we would have feelings for these people, but they would more likely be of an extended family nature. I find it just tremendously interesting, though, that some folks *do* form these full-time primary meshes AND make them work.