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mixtupcpl · 09-02-2008, 03:05 AM

I kind of reject the notion that "monogamy" (that term seems misapplied here really), is just "societal programming"

I very much agree with Jdavisauto, on this. The primary defense of swinging is that a truly committed couple, that truly loves each other, demonstrates the intensity and power of that love by acknowledging that humans are sexual animals and that the physical act of sex shouldnt be allowed to become a wedge in your love for each other.

Thats cool. I get that.

Poly though? No offense to anyone (really), but it seems like it is either:

A) an anomaly that occurs in some folks who actually CANNOT separate love from sex

OR

B) the entire thing (swinging, poly, all of it) is a bit of a farce and monogamy IS "human nature". When I read the poly stories here, it seems like a path from committed couple living "vanilla" and "unawakened" to evolving to the point where they are open and embrace swinging and then, what, evolving? or devolving? to the point where they somehow return BACK to being closed, but only now with TWO partners?

I'm not knocking this at all because I believe that what works for people is good for them. I just wonder at the kind of implied subtext that this is really the "norm" but people havent "figured it out yet"

It also seems like in the examples here it is the women finding a second husband. I wonder if the first husband, deep down inside, ever thought "maybe swinging wasnt such a good idea"?

I have to say I almost have second thoughts on the LS after reading these threads! (but curiosity always brings me back to uncomfortable places

)

The deep love my wife and I share has brought us to the point where we can accept that we're "Swingers". But the thought of being faced with "Husband 2.0" and having to hear "I have fallen in love with this other man. I still love you, but now I love him too. If you dont like it, I can end it" and then bearing the weight of either 1) breaking her heart or 2) breaking mine, is terrifying!

Are you guys saying that in no case did actually falling in LOVE with another person and committing to them, making time, being a real family, etc, bother the original spouse at all? It seems hard to believe. Seems more likely that the other spouse realized pandoras box was open, had no way to close it, still loved their spouse more than anything, and just made room for spouse #2.

Again... Im not making judgments, just trying to understand b/c this is interesting and possibly cautionary. The poly stuff I read here to me feels like monogamy with 3 or 4 people.

09-02-2008, 03:05 AM	#46 (permalink)
mixtupcpl Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 321 Location: Pennsylvania Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:mixtupcpl	Re: What brings people to poly? I kind of reject the notion that "monogamy" (that term seems misapplied here really), is just "societal programming" I very much agree with Jdavisauto, on this. The primary defense of swinging is that a truly committed couple, that truly loves each other, demonstrates the intensity and power of that love by acknowledging that humans are sexual animals and that the physical act of sex shouldnt be allowed to become a wedge in your love for each other. Thats cool. I get that. Poly though? No offense to anyone (really), but it seems like it is either: A) an anomaly that occurs in some folks who actually CANNOT separate love from sex OR B) the entire thing (swinging, poly, all of it) is a bit of a farce and monogamy IS "human nature". When I read the poly stories here, it seems like a path from committed couple living "vanilla" and "unawakened" to evolving to the point where they are open and embrace swinging and then, what, evolving? or devolving? to the point where they somehow return BACK to being closed, but only now with TWO partners? I'm not knocking this at all because I believe that what works for people is good for them. I just wonder at the kind of implied subtext that this is really the "norm" but people havent "figured it out yet" It also seems like in the examples here it is the women finding a second husband. I wonder if the first husband, deep down inside, ever thought "maybe swinging wasnt such a good idea"? I have to say I almost have second thoughts on the LS after reading these threads! (but curiosity always brings me back to uncomfortable places ) The deep love my wife and I share has brought us to the point where we can accept that we're "Swingers". But the thought of being faced with "Husband 2.0" and having to hear "I have fallen in love with this other man. I still love you, but now I love him too. If you dont like it, I can end it" and then bearing the weight of either 1) breaking her heart or 2) breaking mine, is terrifying! Are you guys saying that in no case did actually falling in LOVE with another person and committing to them, making time, being a real family, etc, bother the original spouse at all? It seems hard to believe. Seems more likely that the other spouse realized pandoras box was open, had no way to close it, still loved their spouse more than anything, and just made room for spouse #2. Again... Im not making judgments, just trying to understand b/c this is interesting and possibly cautionary. The poly stuff I read here to me feels like monogamy with 3 or 4 people.