The Swingers Board - View Single Post

absingleman · 08-13-2008, 03:02 AM

1... One month is too soon for someone to be telling you who you should be seeing or what you will do if you see them. That is one of the first signs of a serial abusive person.
2... You sex life may be fun to talk about, but some people are afraid they won't measure up to your past sex partners. Others may be afraid you want them to do things they are afraid to do. Still, others will lie in an attempt to be more attractive to you. Keep it simple. Only tell them enough to keep them interested and don't reveal more until you know how much they want to invest in you.
3... Stop thinking in terms of being rewarded or punished. That reduces relationships to a business deal, which leads to keeping score, which leads manipulative behavior, which leads to abusive behavior. I got lucky and left a relationship that was beginning to be emotionally abusive because the woman said one thing that pissed me off. Most people don't get that lucky. The idea that you have to do this and that, and give up one thing or another in order for him to be happy is dangerous. Don't do it. DON'T DO IT!!!!
4... Dating is supposed to be about enjoying new people in different situations. Don't get roped into thinking it means exclusivity. That is being in a committed relationship, not dating. It is possible to go straight to being in a committed relationship without dating, but why would you unless he is just wonderful (like me LOL). If you have to be honest about your sex life, don't say more than you sometimes have sex with the people you go out with and sometimes you don't.
5... You don't have to tell everything until you are ready to commit, and you can't know you are ready to commit to someone until you know you can trust them. Too much information isn't being honest, its being vain and arrogant. That is not good. Again, tell the men you date enough to keep them interested, but not enough that they are not curious enough to want to learn more. (Should I be telling her this? I haven't slept enough this week. ugh) Say just enough to make him want to ask questions and meet your friends and family to learn what secrets they have on you. AFTER YOU DECIDE HE IS THE ONE!!! Until then, flirt, have fun, and be yourself. If who you really are is not enough for him, he will move on and you can put some effort into meeting others.

Hope that helps. Personally, the only time I have a problem telling single women I used to swing is that they wonder how I could swing when none of the local clubs allow single men, which is the only real way to meet couples. Then they dismiss me as a poser (or is is troll) . Oh, well.

What were we talking about?

08-13-2008, 03:02 AM	#11 (permalink)
absingleman Here to Stay Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 50 Location: Michigan Status: Single Male SLS Name:ABSingleMan	Re: Dating Challenges 1... One month is too soon for someone to be telling you who you should be seeing or what you will do if you see them. That is one of the first signs of a serial abusive person. 2... You sex life may be fun to talk about, but some people are afraid they won't measure up to your past sex partners. Others may be afraid you want them to do things they are afraid to do. Still, others will lie in an attempt to be more attractive to you. Keep it simple. Only tell them enough to keep them interested and don't reveal more until you know how much they want to invest in you. 3... Stop thinking in terms of being rewarded or punished. That reduces relationships to a business deal, which leads to keeping score, which leads manipulative behavior, which leads to abusive behavior. I got lucky and left a relationship that was beginning to be emotionally abusive because the woman said one thing that pissed me off. Most people don't get that lucky. The idea that you have to do this and that, and give up one thing or another in order for him to be happy is dangerous. Don't do it. DON'T DO IT!!!! 4... Dating is supposed to be about enjoying new people in different situations. Don't get roped into thinking it means exclusivity. That is being in a committed relationship, not dating. It is possible to go straight to being in a committed relationship without dating, but why would you unless he is just wonderful (like me LOL). If you have to be honest about your sex life, don't say more than you sometimes have sex with the people you go out with and sometimes you don't. 5... You don't have to tell everything until you are ready to commit, and you can't know you are ready to commit to someone until you know you can trust them. Too much information isn't being honest, its being vain and arrogant. That is not good. Again, tell the men you date enough to keep them interested, but not enough that they are not curious enough to want to learn more. (Should I be telling her this? I haven't slept enough this week. ugh) Say just enough to make him want to ask questions and meet your friends and family to learn what secrets they have on you. AFTER YOU DECIDE HE IS THE ONE!!! Until then, flirt, have fun, and be yourself. If who you really are is not enough for him, he will move on and you can put some effort into meeting others. Hope that helps. Personally, the only time I have a problem telling single women I used to swing is that they wonder how I could swing when none of the local clubs allow single men, which is the only real way to meet couples. Then they dismiss me as a poser (or is is troll) . Oh, well. What were we talking about?