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When it becomes real she get nervous, she clams up, her palms get sweaty, and sometimes even gets to the point of tears. Fear is a big stepping stone for us. Fear of being naked in front of someone else, fear of rejection, fear of poor performance, fear of regret, even a fear of liking it to much.
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This is all understandable, but it is also why many choose to avoid newbees. When one of the women jumps up and runs out of the room in tears, it isn't fun. (An example of the "drama" people want to avoid.)
In some ways our story is similar to yours. We were monogomas for over 20 years, and prior to each other, both of us had only one other sexual partner in our lives. We were both religious and very inhibited when we were your age. There was no way we were ready for swinging -lol! It took a lot of years of sharing fantasies with each other to get to the point. We didn't start playing until we hit our 40's. When we decided to swing, we had very similar ideas as you - learn new sexual techniques and become better partners for each other. Not there was anything wrong or bad - far from it - but we decided we wanted to go on a sexual adventure together, and take things to new sexual heights.
Advice? Go slow - one step at a time. Think about going to a big party or on-premise club (where you can play on-site) and play with each other in a room with other couples playing. Decide in advance you won't be playing with anyone except each other - and let everyone know who asks, so there isn't any misunderstanding. As you get accustomed to having sex with each other in a room of other couples having sex, you may find things will begin to get more comfortable. Make it about each other's pleasure and your thing together, and add in playing with other couples at a pace and to the degree that feels right. Be your wife's protector - never push her, nor create an adgenda, nor cause her to feel obligated by your desires. Let her know
for certain you are all about her pleasure and comfort, every step of the way.