Hi folks:
Just thought I'd update our post. We haven't done anything yet, we are still talking about it. We've both thought over all the things said here, and we've given it careful consideration. One thing that folks say consistently on here is "do what is comfortable for you both as a couple". It just seems that the idea of having more of an "open relationship" fits us both better than "swinging" in the more conventional sense. Or we think so. I'd still like to go to a local swinger party soon and just watch and/or maybe fool around a bit (as in maybe some erotic play or petting for both of us, just to make sure we both really ARE comfortable with this sort of thing), but not actually swing while we're there. My wife has agreed this would probably be a good idea to just sort of "test the waters".
Even after considering all the things said, I still feel quite comfortable giving them one-on-one time without me there. For my experience, I'd much rather have my wife plus another lady for me to entertain/be entertained by, but a similar "fling" with the right person would be a good experience too (just not the one that really satisfies a fantasy for me...unless maybe I could let my wife listen over the phone or something.
). We've had to consider that having an FMF experience for me might be a difficult proposition (especially when limiting the candidates to only swingers from parties and swinger sites), so I think what we're arriving at is that we're both flexible...I'll push back some of my boundaries to let her have an unforgettable experience (like allowing one-on-one time, if that's what it takes to make the experience happen for her) and she'll push back some of her boundaries to let me have an unforgettable experience (like allowing a close long-time female friend, if that's what it actually takes to make the experience happen for me).
This doesn't mean that we are discounting anyone's suggestions or experiences here, in fact, all the replies really made us think about it all quite hard and have lots of discussions. In the end though, we still know each other best, and we trust each other's intentions.
In reality, the only person I truly have to trust is my wife, and vice versa.
I really don't feel like either one of us truly has an interest in just meeting another couple at a swinger party and having sex with them, for instance. For both of us, it takes a connection...we have to really like something about the persons. We have both been very selective about who we've had sex with over the years before we met each other (I've had 7 partners, and she's had 4, I believe), so we might have to go to swinger parties for quite a long time before we met a couple that we both truly liked and they both truly liked us enough to move forward from that. Of course, I dunno...that's why we probably should just go try a swinger party at least once, even if we don't do anything but flirt and watch.
Anyway, thanks for all your thoughts. I'll update this thread as we go and/or if anything in our thoughts changes.
Thanks,
Loki