[Chicup]

Originally Posted by widowerman

That is an interesting point you bring up. Now I have a follow up; since you admit what most if not all of us have been thinking anyway, how do any of you folks handle a situation where you are the object of desire and the person who wants to hook up briefly with you cannot because he or she has rules with their partner?

I know this is that drama thing mentioned on other forums. However, I believe it does fit in here. I personally have been told that I am off limits because of my status on multiple occasions by women. They want to have sex with me, or even to talk to me just in general, however, they live by and obey their rules with their partners. This translates into that jealousy factor.

True story. My wife has the choice of an MFM or a 4 some this weekend. Its the same guy either way, and I asked her which she would rather have. She would rather have the foursome, and thats with no female bi activities, so thats not the issue. As a couple we like foursomes better, and thats not related to jealousy. Honestly I'd rather have a 4some than a FMF, the dynamics just work better for us.

Now I'm sure jealousy is an issue for some, but our rules are we both play or neither play. Our 3somes are with selected long time friends we have played with as couples before only.

Finally, and this doesn't make me popular with the singles crowd, but really I have to wonder whats up with most singles in the lifestyle. I wonder 'why' they are single, why they choose this lifestyle where at least males are not wanted by so many, and quite frankly whats wrong with them. Rather than find out who is well adjusted we would rather just avoid the lot and that includes single females.

Now, on many occasions I will have a partner that I do couple up with when we go to some parties. And even there, if she, my partner is not attractive enough for the male, we get turned down. As the party moves on, I will then be approached by the female who we were attracted to and she will admit she would have sex with me in a heartbeat, if only her male partner had something in it for him. So, Ken and Barbie are alive and well in swingland USA.

This sounds a bit like bitter single male pity here. If the guy doesn't want to have sex with your partner, you will be turned down. Just as you wouldn't approach a couple where you had no interest in the female. This isn't only ken and barbies its just sex in general.

Now that is a phenomenon I find interesting for swingers. I do observe the rules, of others. I, on the other hand, have no rules.

You are a single male, what rules would you set on your limits? I have no rules for me, I do what I want, my wife on the other hand has some things she isn't comfortable with me doing, and those are 'my rules', its part of why singles and couples are different in swinging.

Do any of you have rules on swinging? Would you prevent your partner from having a good time because there is nothing for you to gain?

If we are both not having a good time, neither of us are having a good time. She is not happy if I'm ignored, I'm not happy if she is, as such this really isn't the issue even though to an outsider it may look like shes not playing just because there is nothing for me to gain. Its not me refusing as much as she refusing to leave me in the lurch for her own pleasure.

BTW, Chicup, I like your style and your concern on being eye candy for the ladies. That is what this is all about, and that is exactly what is on this very site for multiple advertisements. Not many will admit to it, but sex is about bragging rights on the hot number that was bagged. Just look at the pop up ads right here. Do you see “normal” folks having sex or do you see Ken and Barbie, and Barbie’s friend, Stacy, having sex?

Occasionally I've seen some adds where the people involved are not very attractive for the swingers sites but over all you are correct in that the adds are about that. That being said MY desire to look better is related to what I am attracted to sexually, and for those women it helps if I'm better looking myself. Were I to change my strike zone a bit, I could have a lot more play partners, but for me its not about numbers, hot or otherwise, but just what I like. I happen to like women who are physically fit and as such they tend to like men who are, so I better be. Its not about bragging rights at all, after all who am I, a married swinger going to brag to? I enjoy the experience, I feel a nice ego boost knowing the woman wants to have sex with me, and I have fond memories of most of my swinging partners, but I respect them too. I don't get a feeling of that respect from you.

I think thats part of the single male turn off. If you are just looking to increase your personal counter by one, to basically use my wife with out respecting our relationship, I don't want you to touch her. She is my wife first, mother of my children, love of my life, not the catch of the day.