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tittietwister · 07-21-2008, 12:02 PM

Been there unregistered. Your husband is most probably suffering from anxiety and over-thinking. He is probably a very considerate man who thinks of others rather than himself. Hence, he wants to please but isn't sure he can as his impression of other men in the lifestyle is that they are sexual supermen of sorts and the women as expecting that. That added to the normal pride and expectation men place on themselves equals too much pressure and anxiety to perform.

He may also find the notion of sport sex unappealing - he may prefer to get to know the person first and develop a degree of liking and trust. That was the case with me. I still don't do well with textbook swinging (sport sex). For me, to be able to relax with a person I must develop a degree of liking and trust (I refer to as poly-lite). If that is the case he needs to be reminded that it's not just a ladies prerogative to say no (politely) if a situation is not to his tastes.

The final possibility is that swinging is not for him. If you feel it is for you and he is OK with that then consider simply opening your marriage and giving each other the freedom to play individually, or not. As my wife is more the pure swinger type and I lean more poly-lite, we have combined this approach so she can have the greater degree of sporting activity she prefers and I can limit myself to situations where I feel comfortable.

07-21-2008, 12:02 PM	#5 (permalink)
tittietwister Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 143 Location: Not at Swingers Board Status: Couple	Re: Performance issues Been there unregistered. Your husband is most probably suffering from anxiety and over-thinking. He is probably a very considerate man who thinks of others rather than himself. Hence, he wants to please but isn't sure he can as his impression of other men in the lifestyle is that they are sexual supermen of sorts and the women as expecting that. That added to the normal pride and expectation men place on themselves equals too much pressure and anxiety to perform. He may also find the notion of sport sex unappealing - he may prefer to get to know the person first and develop a degree of liking and trust. That was the case with me. I still don't do well with textbook swinging (sport sex). For me, to be able to relax with a person I must develop a degree of liking and trust (I refer to as poly-lite). If that is the case he needs to be reminded that it's not just a ladies prerogative to say no (politely) if a situation is not to his tastes. The final possibility is that swinging is not for him. If you feel it is for you and he is OK with that then consider simply opening your marriage and giving each other the freedom to play individually, or not. As my wife is more the pure swinger type and I lean more poly-lite, we have combined this approach so she can have the greater degree of sporting activity she prefers and I can limit myself to situations where I feel comfortable.