to the board, the first step is out of the way, lol.. You asked a few questions..
Now then.. How fast or slow you get started is completely up to you, and any person, couple or WHOEVER must be understanding of this. The situation you outlined with the first couple while not un common, is not the proper way to handle the situation. They knew you were jst getting started and to twist the phrase you used, sure they could hook up with another couple and play quicker.. BUT, no one twisted thier arms to chose to pursue you both. Patients, and understanding, is what they should have done regardless of thier experience level, or what they claim.
Now to answer you questions directly.
As far as to how experienced you both may or may not be in bed.. Again it shouldnt be an issue for anyone, so long as you really know where tab a can go, and that slot B requires a lot of due diligence..
As far as the difference between how fast or slow the husband or the wife is ready to proceed, Yes there is usually a difference.. Esp when you are getting started into all of this. As far as the whole push issue, that is something you both need to discuss, and figure out.. In our case, i can tell when My wife is nervous, Yes even after all these years, and try to come up with a clear idea of her wishes before making a BIG mistake and suggesting something further..
Our answer, was to come up with a basic question that the answer to is really a clear yes or no.. Something stupid like pointing out a picture on the wall or flower arraingement, and asking wouldnt that look good in the Dining room? the answers Yes.. its all good... No.. forget it.. Maybe, but.. She has some reservations still..
Again, it depends a great deal on your wife and how she feels.. maybe she wants a push.. Ask her, if that was a case before.. If things HAD happened.. would she have freaked or gone with it.. As far as the other couple nudging, that was the case with the first couple apparently..
We would all love for the woman we love to be the one ready to jump in with both feet, this isnt the case in many situations. Given the background you have given for her up bringing, She is still struggling with the Good Girl/ Bad girl issue.. As you say she wont initiate, but once she gets started is into it.. a great deal of that is relaxing mentally as well as physically and going wih the flow/moment..
Now then this brings us directly to the baby steps question. This is something that really, you need to figure out and TELL anyone you meet with, well before shaking thier hands. Be clear. As I explained in the first part of this post.. If the other couple was not clear about things then this might have led to the confusion but somehow I dont think so.
Recently we were contacted by a new couple too, and during the conversation that followed, They were looking for something to get started with that we really arent into. And i explained that to this person(the female half of the couple) That we werent comfortable with Voyeur play, meaning they wanted us all to get naked, and have sex in front of them, then they do the same in front of us, and maybe taking a few pictures during both halves of the event.. and then call it an evening.. red lights for us all the way around, to be sure, but more importantly.. If thats what you are looking for, head to a club and play there. I told this person that, and suggested a few locations on the web for them to look.
So to sum up..
Your personal sexual experience level, or inexperience level, is not an issue.. Christ thats what leads people to explore
Talk between yourselves and figure out a clearer idea of what she would do If..
The baby steps that YOU want to take, are measured against YOUR OWN ruler.. Just be clear with ANYONE you might meet, Where you stand on the issue of play.. and that it might not be an "overnight" revelation..
And you might want to add a nice simple quote to any email..
Patience is a virtue, and is usually REWARDED