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Originally Posted by Unregistered  I came on here one time about a year ago maybe a little less and posted anonymously, and I never came back. |
Welcome back!! We'd love it if you registered!! There is so much great information here!!
I'm going to have to break up your large paragraph into smaller ones so I can understand your dilemma a little bit better.
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I know in general swinging is not just about sexual things, but in some cases it can be. And I knwo there may not be anyone able to help but this is the only place I can think of to go! Here's some background. My boyfriend of 4 years brought up the whole open relationship thing about 1.5 years ago. We've talked baout it but I told him that if he ever found someone he wanted to be with that we could discuss it again. the topic had never come up seriously since then.
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OK... I'm following so far.
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Well he jsut met this girl that is willing to do this. I am not willing to be a part of it because of her age, it's not illegal or anything just too young for me. he has told me that it will all be purely sexual he has told her that(I think that she is too young) He has supposedly made clear to her that it is just about sex. And has told me that I am also allowed to have sex with other people.
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Ok.. still following you. He's met a girl and wants a threesome with her. Purely sexual, no emotion. He told her that you think she's too young. You don't say how old you two are or how old this other woman is, and sometimes it helps to know that kind of stuff. He actually sounds very immature like a petulant child.
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There are other rules specifically pretaining to us that aren't important to my quesiton also. but he is ot to ever insinuate that they are in a relationship, or let her think that this is about love at all. I am the person that he loves in a way that is toatlly different from anyone else.
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This is where I get confused. I'm not sure who is and isn't in the relationship. From what I'm reading from you, you and him are in the relationship and she is just the outsider who is ready for a threesome with you two but you think she's too young, right?
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But I'm not quite sure I'm ready to deal with this. He said I can either deal with it or get out of the relationship but that he really doesn't want to lose me he said that I am allowed to participate in anything and that I could watch if I wanted but i don't really want to...so yeah any advice from anyone?
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OK... Here is the GIANT red flag!! You're not comfortable with the whole situation and he's telling you to just leave then, right? He doesn't want to lose you but he wants this threesome pretty bad -- do I have that right? Well, if what I'm reading is correct and he's telling you to hit the bricks if you don't want to do this -- he's not loving you or is he respecting your feelings in this. He's not willing to go at your speed, either which is a hallmark of swingers. We don't do anything that would make our spouses/partners/significant others uncomfortable.
It sounds like he's giving you an ultimatum and you're either going to do it or pack your bags.
No guy is worth that in my opinion. If those are his rules, you'd be better off without him. It would make me wonder what else he'd have you do under duress with the threat of having to pack your bags.
This guy wants what he wants no matter what you want, right? I'd kick him to the curb and let him have his little fling. No man who supposedly loves and respects his girlfriend would expect her to do this.
Just my humble opinion, but I'd be packing.