[willyoats]

It should be pretty obvious in swinging that there is a risk of becoming overly emotionally involved with another person, i.e., to the extent that it harms the primary relationship. I have never seen it happen when the couple is already committed right down to the core to each other.

Occasionally, some jerk is going behind his wife's back (and I suppose vice versa) and they eventually get divorced. I only saw that happen once. That was certainly not a good marriage to begin with. He just wanted to get laid a lot and had no lasting commitment to the marriage anyway. That is not different from the jerk in the vanilla world who does the same thing. Swinging was certainly not the cause of the breakup.

I fell in love with a swinging partner (and she with me) nearly ten years ago. I made a real effort not to let that interfere with my marriage. My wife, fortunately, is vary practical and realistic. She believes, as I do, that it is possible to love more than one person at a time and not hurt either. There are no secrets. My wife, whom I love dearly, can read all of the correspondence and knows all of my feelings.

I don't think a bystander can prevent emotional attachments from happening, but the partners can manage the situation if both are committed to, and commuicate with, each other in a healthy and mature way. What will happen, will happen. And it will happen pretty much regardless of what a third party wished.

That's a risk we all take in swinging and in life.