Ted and I have been watching "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" on SHO...we've really been enjoying the show.
Last night, while getting caught up on the episodes we had missed (Love On-Demand
) there was a scene that got me to thinking.
Belle had a regular client that had asked her 'Not to be nice' to him...he wanted to be dominated to the extreme. Not having experience in this arena, Belle asked her Madam for advice, was told to leave it to a professional Dominatrix. Belle insisted that she liked this client and wanted to give him what he wanted so her Madam set her up with an appointment to learn the ticks of the trade from a professional Dominatrix.
During Belle's appointment, the Dominatrix was asking her about the client she was doing this for ( while instructing her with demonstrations on one of her own pets) She asked Belle if he was married, she replied yes, and obviously his wife didn't know. The Dominatrix looked at her with a sad look on her face and said "A shame, all these secrets".
That one quote got me to thinking about how much of a shame it is that in a lot of marriages, there are secrets...we see it quite often here on one level, men (sometimes women) asking, "I want to swing but don't know how to bring it up to my wife (husband)"...with different variations of the same question. By not sharing this with their SO, they are in a way keeping a secret...they're keeping a part of themselves and their desires from their SO. I know it's difficult to open up and share at times but...in the long run by not doing so I feel you're not only doing your SO a disservice but also yourself and your relationship.
We all say that to be successful in swinging, it takes total honesty...total honesty means giving up your hidden desires and secrets...to me, by doing so, you set yourself free.
I also believe that for any truly happy marriage (swinging or any other type of alternative lifestyle or not), there shouldn't be secrets. How can you be truly happy, love and be loved by someone, if you're not giving totally of yourself?
Obviously the Dominatrix in the show felt the same way, she told Belle she didn't have sex with her clients as she was a married woman, her husband knew, wasn't in the profession himself but quite often sat in on her sessions, puttering around and making tea (doing what he was told to do). Belle said it must be nice to have someone to share everything with, to which the Dom said, "That's marriage".
I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this. Maybe I'm wondering if anyone thinks that a really, truly, happy marriage (swinging or not) can be had if secrets are kept?
Teresa