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Chicup · 07-07-2008, 04:15 PM

Ok I'm not a psychologist, I have a real degree (yes this is a *zing* but most psychologists not only can't pour piss out of a boot, but also can't tell you why they pissed in it in the first place but they do blame your mother for it), but I do play one from time to time.

This sort of focuses on her insecurities.

One is that women expect/are taught that men should fight for them sexually. Its the old beating up the other guy to get the girl kind of thing. By saying 'no its ok to have sex with another man' you have hurt her ego a bit. She thinks you don't value her enough as a woman, as a possession. Its all very basic and very primitive but its who we are.

The other issue is she feels guilty. She feels guilty over wanting it, she feels guilty over doing it, and she feels even though YOU said it was ok, she should have been a good woman and said no. She feels guilty over not valuing you enough to forsake other men. Its the old you get married, you now magically forsake all others, and if you even think about other men sexually there is something wrong with you.

Now I can't say I'm in touch with the MFM side of swinging completely. I've been the extra M countless times and my wife has had her share but thats in the context of couples swinging. I wouldn't have been a swinger if the only option open was MFM so I can't say I understand the motivation there. I'm not sure if you only do that or not but I can try to give a solution based on what I've encountered.

You need to talk to her and explain to her why you enjoy it, and that its ok with you because she enjoys it. Not knowing your spouse I can't tell you the right words, but you need to make her feel less guilty over wanting it and less offended by you not being a stereotypical male. Its a tough conversation because you need to let her know you are not threatened by other men, you are not worried about one taking her away, and that the reason isn't that you don't care if she leaves, but because you trust her and are happy when shes really enjoying herself. Then you need to let her know that there is nothing wrong about lusting for other men, and what could be a better way to do so then with you there for it instead of having an office trist like so many women end up doing.

Good luck, and don't rush the conversation.

07-07-2008, 04:15 PM	#6 (permalink)
Chicup Not a potential *** Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 2,348 Location: Under the bed Status: Tired	Re: The morning after syndome Ok I'm not a psychologist, I have a real degree (yes this is a zing but most psychologists not only can't pour piss out of a boot, but also can't tell you why they pissed in it in the first place but they do blame your mother for it), but I do play one from time to time. This sort of focuses on her insecurities. One is that women expect/are taught that men should fight for them sexually. Its the old beating up the other guy to get the girl kind of thing. By saying 'no its ok to have sex with another man' you have hurt her ego a bit. She thinks you don't value her enough as a woman, as a possession. Its all very basic and very primitive but its who we are. The other issue is she feels guilty. She feels guilty over wanting it, she feels guilty over doing it, and she feels even though YOU said it was ok, she should have been a good woman and said no. She feels guilty over not valuing you enough to forsake other men. Its the old you get married, you now magically forsake all others, and if you even think about other men sexually there is something wrong with you. Now I can't say I'm in touch with the MFM side of swinging completely. I've been the extra M countless times and my wife has had her share but thats in the context of couples swinging. I wouldn't have been a swinger if the only option open was MFM so I can't say I understand the motivation there. I'm not sure if you only do that or not but I can try to give a solution based on what I've encountered. You need to talk to her and explain to her why you enjoy it, and that its ok with you because she enjoys it. Not knowing your spouse I can't tell you the right words, but you need to make her feel less guilty over wanting it and less offended by you not being a stereotypical male. Its a tough conversation because you need to let her know you are not threatened by other men, you are not worried about one taking her away, and that the reason isn't that you don't care if she leaves, but because you trust her and are happy when shes really enjoying herself. Then you need to let her know that there is nothing wrong about lusting for other men, and what could be a better way to do so then with you there for it instead of having an office trist like so many women end up doing. Good luck, and don't rush the conversation.