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Originally Posted by sexcupid  I know that many folks here are on second marriages. So I guess the main point of this little tale of woe is: if your ex- was remarried before you were, how did you handle it? Did you send a gift? Is there an etiquitte for this sort of thing? |
When mine remarried recently I was slightly bothered by it, but it was more in the lines of pitying myself. "Why did he find the one, before me? Why does he get to get remarried, but I'm not." I was happy for him...but admittedly it did make me jealous, not because I still loved him in any way, but more along the lines of why am I not good enough to marry. It makes you think something is wrong with you. It makes you question your relationship, especially if it's longer than the one your x is in. For me it was basically a pity party.
I realized at the end of my little pity party that I was wrong to feel sorry for myself. Manimal and I have been together for 2.5 years. We are not married. When we first started dating we both were very adamant about not ever getting married again. It was something we definitely were not going to do AT ALL EVER AGAIN. Since that time our opinions on marriage have changed. We now talk about the possibility and have even gone so far as to say where and how, but just not when. I know that I have the best relationship I have ever had and will probably ever have and that being married will not change any part of our relationship. As far as we're concerned we are already married in our hearts. I realized I was simply feeling one-upped by my ex.
So I guess you have to ask yourself, will being married to Jeff change your relationship? Are you wanting to get married simply to be married; are you wanting to get married because your ex is and it's not fair that you're not; or are you wanting to get married because you truly love Jeff and can see yourself growing old with him? If it's the last, then give him the time he needs to move past his insecurities about marriage, he may just surprise you one day. If it's either one of the first two then maybe you need to reassess what marriage means to you.
Either way "In the fearless and wreckless pursuit of intimate love, it is not the destination, it is the journey."
BTW...I did not send a gift but I did congratulate them and tell them I was very happy for them.