 Re: Poly & Kids
K and I live in a poly like situation. K's sister lives with us and has done so for the past five years. Granted, we don't have some of the same issues like this family you describe does since I'm (obviously) not having sex with my SIL....uhhh yuck! Still, she has a daughter that is 10 months younger than our oldest. We've run into issues with people on the outside looking in not knowing the specifics of our relationship.
When we lived overseas many thought we were one man, two women with children shared between us. This didn't change how they interacted with us and were surprised to learn that it was just a situation where we are an extended family who lives together.
This last year was the first time we've had 'issues' with our kids. The kids are now both in public school and there is a lot of confusion in their classrooms and with their classmates because they refer to each other as brother and sister even though they are cousins. Some of the other kids have made fun of the fact that they are so close like accusing them of being boyfriend/girlfriend (mind you they are 6 & 7). We've had times where the teachers told us about arguments erupting from our kids when other kids try to force the cousin issue. Our kids look at each other like siblings, it's how we've (the 3 of us) have raised them.
The worst instance we've had is with my SIL's daughter. She came home from school all upset because some of the other children told her that she didn't have a father and the she was 'weird' for having two mothers. In this little girl's eyes her uncle is her father (her biological father isn't in the picture but once or twice a year...maybe) and she has 'mommies'. She was very upset when others were trying to 'fix' her view of how a family was. All of us, including my MIL had to sit down with all the kids and explain to them that family is family and it isn't up to others to judge how our family should be. Love has no boundaries, just because she (the little girl) didn't come from my body didn't make her less of my daughter. Her Father is the man who protects, provides, plays, and teaches her the things she'll need to know growing up, just because she calls this man 'Uncle' means nothing. (I'll get off my soapbox now.)
Because my Husband and I raise all our children equally and refer to all of them as 'our kids' we run into misunderstandings with others over who the second woman is in our house and how that dynamic works. It gets complicated but we've never lost a friend just because my SIL lives with us.
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