[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

I think you need to look deeper into this question and talk to Jeff about it. If it bothers you enough to post it, then it's something that needs to be examined more closely. It's possible that you've both agreed you don't want to remarry and that this is just a twinge of jealousy because your ex is doing something your not (even tho you've chosen not to).

We have talked about it a bit before. During one of the conversations he seemed entirely flabbergasted by the fact that someone would break up an otherwise good relationship over one person wanting to get married and the other one not wanting to. But I guess the fact is, it is something that is pretty important to me and if it is not that important to him...why not move on and find someone who shares more common values?

I know he was burned in the two previous marriages, one ended badly...and the other was a 16 year long relationship (they got married after 8 years), that one didn't end horribly but I think they had some major personality conflicts (like sticking 2 alpha dogs in the same room and watching the sparks fly). The divorce was amicable enough and they still speak.

But overall I think both experieces have left him slightly jaded and a bit more than reluctant to do it again. lol My personal issue with that kind of blanket feeling is that you are punishing me for someone else's and your mistakes. I have that feeling in more situations than just where marriage is concerned, I find it unfair to project feelings/thoughts/predicting actions/etc onto someone. It means you aren't paying attention to the situation fully, you are making alot of assumptions.

All I can say is that he is aware that I would like to get married. I'm not sure if it's just that I am in school and not working at the moment that is a deterrent to him asking or if that is just a stalling tactic. I do know that if we did get married right now, there would be much more out of pocket cost and much less finaicial aid from the school.

I have to answer this from the other side, as I was the one who got married first. I had a difficult time telling my ex that I was getting re-married (it had been 4 years) for no other reason than I don't like hurting people and I did not know if it would hurt him.

We've been divorced for about 3 1/2 years...so I knew one of these days one of us would be having to initiate this conversation. And I take the same attitude as you, and I'm pretty sure my ex did as well. He also took the approach of not wanting someone else to tell me (especially the kids).

I'm guessing/hoping that in your case with kids being involved that you would probably be invited to the wedding (if it is that type of wedding) in which case I would suggest that you approach it as you would any other wedding. You may want to purchase a gift and give it from your children (I think that would probably be the proper thing to do).

With it being so soon...I don't think it's going to be a huge affair, I think just a garden wedding at home...and the fact that he's in WV and I'm in Texas and will be in class and unable to travel, I will not be able to go. I would like to, particuarly for the kids sake (altho they are pretty excited about it). I will probably send a gift from me and the kids.