[sexcupid]

Originally Posted by ktimephoenix

i have no idea how long he's been dating her, but i am suspicious of people that remarry quickly.

At this point they have been dating more than a year...but perhaps not more than a year and a half. I'm not entirely sure of the timeline because he has (mercifully) stopped asking me for advice on every little thing. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated that he felt safe enough to ask for advice...and I wanted him to be successful at another relationship.

are you happy with jeff? if the answer is yes, then what difference will a bit of paper, or an egagement ring make? Mrs P. is always asking why we're not getting engaged yet. and i keep telling her that i take marriage seriously. if we're together for 5 years, then get engaged, or get engaged now, and married in 5 years, what is the difference?

Yes, we are pretty happy together. And I will have to respectfully disagree with your 'what's the difference' observation. To me, there is a difference. I don't necessarily buy into the fairytale crap...but it's more a level of respect and a whole host of other complicated things that are tied to the instituation of marriage. I do take it seriously as well.

This is going to sound horrible...but I just got out of bed 15 min ago and I can't think of a better way to explain it, so I apologize in advance if it doesn't come out quite right. If you spend 3, 5, or 10 years in a relationship with someone with whom you are matrimonially mismatched...as in it is something that the one partner desires to happen and something the other doesn't place a priority on (I don't mean to imply here that it's not something that isn't taken seriously, just that the other person doesn't place as high a priority on actually doing it and it is assuming that all is going well in the relationship)...then I think it can lead to problems. Regardless of how great the relationship is, after years of being with someone that either has marriage lower on the priority list for whatever reason (want to make sure they are 'sure', more of a been there done that attitude, or they've been burned in the past)...I think it can lead into resentment, I'm good enough to fold his shirts, and fuck...but not good enough to marry...or regret/lament over potential missed opportunities with someone they might be more matrimonially matched with.

And perhaps it's just semantics...but I do correct people that just assume that Jeff is my husband. I am not Mrs. anything right now. I'm not ugly about it...but particuarly in a swing situation, I don't want people to feel like they've been hoodwinked in the slightest sense so if they ask about my husband...I respond with 'my boyfriend' or 'my SO'.

speeding up the process just to get some numbers the same smacks of immaturity, or a tthe least, no real regard for the enormity of the step of getting married.

Well...they have both been married before, so I'm not sure if its a total disregard for the enormity of getting married. But, then again I was left scratching my head over the fuss to get married on 7/7/07...I mean, if you think all 7s will make you luckier...well...I just don't get it. Plus, my ex and I were married in September...so perhaps he's just a little superstitious of getting married again in that month.